Fun Times

Today I spent the afternoon in the Georgia Department of Motor Vehicle Services, which was every bit as much fun as it sounds. It was time to renew my driver’s license, and way past time to update my address. I checked the DMVS web site and found that I could renew my license or request an address change online, but not both at the same time. For that I had to locate one of their main branches and go stand in line.

I took the day off, planning to sleep in a little and then go to the DMVS around mid-morning. Sleeping in went so well I did it a couple of more times and finally crawled out of bed just before eleven. Figuring the place would be packed with early lunchers, I ate some leftover meatball pizza and decided to go in the afternoon. I figured I could leave at about one, renew my license, have my car emissions tested, and then swing by the gym on the way home, but the spicy meatballs caught up with me halfway to the DMVS and I had to return home to hold court on the porcelain throne.

I started my run again, finding the DMVS with almost no problem except that I misread a sign and pulled into the wrong parking lot. When I took my last eye exam, I had decent eyesight – not as good as I had in my youth (eagle-eye), but much better than now (bat). My current eyesight is flawless out to twelve inches (or about 28 nanolitres for those using the metric system). It goes seriously downhill after that. I don’t have glasses because I haven’t been to an ophthalmologist because I don’t have any medical insurance because my former job paid too little to afford both insurance and little things like rent and food. Now I have a better job (well, higher paying anyway) and I signed up for full medical coverage which will go into effect two weeks after my birthday making it two weeks too late to get glasses. However, none of that mattered. In Georgia, you’re only required to retake the eye exam every other renewal. I had done the full program the last time meaning I could still use my old exam, prints, and photo for the new license.

I found the right place, checked in with the first station, received a ticket, then sat in the waiting room and rocked out with Satan Sue. It had been years since I sat and listened to Abigail start to finish. I took the time to observe my fellow human beans, and discovered almost nothing new about them. I did make a few new notes regarding cell phone users, such as:
1) Modern cell phones are powered by motion, requiring users to slowly pace over small areas while they talk.
2) Although they have enough brains to both walk and talk, they don’t have enough to spare for such frivolous activities as looking around and not walking into people.
3) Public cell phone use is apparently illegal, judging by the hunched posture and furtive glances of the callers.
4) They’re spreading like disease.

Anyway, the automated deli system eventually announced my number and I approached my window. Contrary to the popular stereotype, the person manning (actually womaning) my second stop was friendly and efficient. In fact, everyone I encountered there was at the very least polite and competent, there just weren’t enough of them to effectively deal with the volume. I told the lady what I needed, and she told me that since I was changing my address I had to redo my eye exam, prints, and photo. The eye machine was only a foot long, so I hoped I could see whatever appeared when she told me to read the list of numbers I saw. I didn’t see a list of numbers, which did not exempt me from the exam, but I figured if I could guess all the lottery numbers I could deduce these as well. Note – I’ve never actually won a lottery, so I decided I must be overdue. I recited a list of numbers; she advanced to the next set and told me to try again. I recited a list of numbers; she advanced to the next set and told me to try again. I recited a list of numbers, wondering if the blur I saw at the end of the line was yet another number, when she told me I passed. She also told me that since I had waited for over thirty minutes between stations one and two (it was actually two hours) my renewal would be free. I thanked her, took another seat, and waited to be called to the final stage.

The final part didn’t take as long, and I’m pleased to report my new picture looks much better than the last one. I’m in better shape now than five years ago since some of the time I once spent traveling and dealing with college is now frittered away in a health club. I wanted them to put both photos on the license with “Before” and “After” labels affixed below, but it wasn’t doable. Since I had spent so much time at the DMVS, I postponed my emissions test and replaced my usual workout with a chicken press (two piece and a biscuit). On the way home I blindly drove off a ravine and died tragically in a fiery, mangled wreck.

Okay, the last part didn’t technically happen, but I thought this post needed some excitement. Sue me.

Legal, out