Friday, March 18, 2005

Epiphany

I had a revelation today while sitting in my cubicle, watching the seconds tick by until I can go home and pine for my cow boxes. Jesus Christ raised Lazarus from the dead, then later raised himself. Doesn’t that make him a zombie? More accurately, a master zombie able to create others? The second coming will be like Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. That’s what they really mean by “born again” – zombified. The pope and his xtian cronies are worshippers of the zombie god Jehovah (a.k.a. Yahweh, a.k.a. Allah – you know something is up when they have that many aliases). Therefore, the one true benevolent God is the one with the kickass tunes. There, I have explained the entire Judeo/Xtian/Muslim mythos in about 100 words. Religion makes more sense when it's not so convoluted.

That reminds me – I haven’t gotten any recent nasty anonymous comments from xtians telling me to find Jesus, or to take a long walk off a short crucifix and hug a demon. Surely I haven’t become inoffensive in my old age. They must be a bunch of wussies. You would think zombie worshippers would have a little more intestinal fortitude.

See you in Hell, out

5 comments:

Weary Hag said...

I think all the xtians are out there bulk shipping letters with Jesus-rugs in them. Everyone's getting 'em lately. If you're not sure what that's about, wait - you'll get one eventually.


C

Sask 1 said...

You realise that one day Zombies will rule the earth
June

VomitGod said...

Dude...I love NOTLD!

“I'm going back down to the cellar, and you'd better decide! 'Cause I'm gonna board up that door, and I'm not going to unlock it again no matter what happens!”

Aaron Dubose said...

+1!

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