Friday, November 26, 2004

And speaking of...

This time of year - I love it. The air is cool(er) and crisp(er), utility bills are down because for some unknown reason my apartment stays at the same temperature year round (slightly warmer than I want it, so in the wintertime I periodically open a window to cool it down), and there are several holidays that give me some time off (except for Halloween, because the stinking Christians have this town sewn up - more on that later).

And speaking of the holidays, I realized (too late) where I screwed up yesterday. Since I missed celebrating Halloween, I should have gone trick-or-treating. I could have worn my jeans, Harley-Davidson boots, "Drop Dead" skull t-shirt, and walked door to door with a large plate shouting "Trick or Turkey" until I had a full meal. Ah, well - another missed opportunity. Maybe I'll try that for Xmas to see if I can pick up a few unwanted gifts (like socks) as well as some Xmas ham. I'll probably get loaded down with fruitcakes.

And speaking of food, I went to Harry's Farmers Market today and bought all the ingredients to make a fresh batch of my spaghetti sauce, which is much better than anything I have gotten from a jar or restaurant. I bought a chocolate pecan pie while there, because all their pies were half off. Anyway, while dumping the ingredients into the crock pot, I noticed most of my garlic powder had hardened into a disc that, other than the jaundiced color, looked like one of those tablets you put in the toilet tank to make it look like you're peeing in the ocean. I dumped it in, because I needed the garlic and I felt sure it would dissolve in the crushed tomatoes. At first it proved impervious to heat, liquid, and beatings from a wooden spoon, but eventually it turned into a kind of time-release garlic tablet and transformed the sauce from tomatoey to fantastic.

And speaking of a narrow-minded religious zealots who I would like to kill by pulling their brains out through their anus using a roto-tiller and a well-oiled chicken (well, we're speaking about them now), since they complained about my Halloween (especially the fact that October 31 had the audacity to fall on a Sunday this year), I say we return the favor for their Xmas (henceforth to be referred to as HKRXmasux, to include the peoples who celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanza, Ramadan, Christmas, as well as the ones who hate the holidays). Let's get jesus out of the holiday season. Stinking hippie, trying to take HKRXmasux away from Santa. Besides, Santa is obviously an icon of evil: he draws worship away from the Xtian god, encourages coveting and greed, judges childrens' worthiness, wears red, has a first name which is an anagram of "Satan," and last name which is a homophone of "Claws." It's pretty obvious when you think about it.

And speaking of that thing of which I was just speaking, who's with me? More importantly, who's against me? Line up in front of that flame-thrower to your left, please.

Filled with the HKRXmasux spirit, out

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