Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Water is Eternally Disgusting

As a child, I read an article explaining that all the water in the world is naturally recycled, that it's the same water that has existed since the Earth was created. The article said water is processed by animals and plants, then is evaporated into the atmosphere and rained back at us. It further pointed out that we're drinking the same water as George Washington.

So I'm standing there reading this, holding a glass full of what I suddenly realize is Abraham Lincoln's piss. Hitler has been to the toilet in what I drink. I would have sworn off water, but since I can't survive without it I just decided to suck it up (literally) and move on. But I may never get in the pool again.

Never mind the fact that I've been swimming in Nicholas Cage's bodily fluids; the real shock came just a few month's agon. I was doing laps in the gym's pool when I stopped and saw some hairy guy in a speedo settling into another lane. It occurred to me that I had been swimming, face-down, in the same body of water touching his genitals. So, there I am, chest-deep in dick water, and it occurs to me that I might as well just paddle over and lick the guy. I decided to switch to the treadmill instead.

Gross, out

1 comment:

The_Darkener said...

*shock* You can't survive without it? But my dear sir, I thought you had decided to be immortal. Doubtless you can live without a mere transparently-colored liquid!

*gapes*