Friday, July 30, 2004


For a very short while, people at work started adding personal quotes to the end of their e-mails. This was a rare glimpse into the minds of those around me who normally drift around like ghosts, appearing to be no more than mere images of real people. Of course, management quickly caught on and put an end to it ("OMG! They're expressing opinions! On company property!"), but before that happened I started a little collection. Here's my tagline collection with a few thoughts:

  • Whether we bring our enemies to justice or justice to our enemies, justice will be done....
    Not that I disagree with the sentiment, but does it really mesh with the (lack of) office culture? "Hey, Bob. Here are those TPS reports you asked for. Death to the godless heathens, out."

  • "An organization's ability to learn and translate that learning into action rapidly is the ultimate competitive business advantage." - Jack Welch, Chairman, General Electric
    Now say that five times real fast.

  • Never give up your dreams...they will always give you a goal to accomplish.
    I'm cool with this one. Of course, one of my dreams is to find a better job. No wonder the MiCs (Morons in Charge) wanted this notion suppressed.

  • Be a sport and take a kid fishing this summer!
    Okay. Does it have to be my kid, or can I just grab one at random?

  • ** Please use the Reply function to send your correspondence **
    An e-mail telling you how to use the e-mail.

  • Briefly look over your life, "For what purpose do you live?"
    Okay, you've convinced me. I'm offing myself.

  • Find a purpose in life so big it will challenge every capacity to be at your best.
    Do I get any rest breaks? Ever?

  • *Backup requests are made to comply with audit requirements*
    Can't get much more corporate than that.

  • "Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon, must inevitably come to pass" - Paul J. Meyer
    I like the fact that Herr Meyer included the fact that you have to WORK to make your dreams come true. A lot of human quote generators tend to forget that part.

  • "I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he/she has overcome while trying to succeed." - Booker T. Washington
    I like that sentiment - it makes me feel more successful than my banks statements allow.

  • Have a Nice Day!
    Fuck you. Don't tell me what kind of day to have.

  • "To Be, or Not To Be" not a question.--UNKNOWN
    'nuff said.

  • "I HEAR and I forget. I SEE and I remember. I DO and I understand."
    I FART and the room clears.

  • "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the flower leaves on the heel of the one that crushed it."
    I think this one came from someone experiencing an unhappy breakup.

  • A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
    Religionists! Aaaack! Run!

  • "God created man, because he was disappointed in the monkey" Mark Twain
    I've heard this is a misquote, but I'm not sure.

  • "Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day." - Sally Koch
    I agree with Sally, whoever she is.

  • " Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens " .......Jimi Hendrix
    Jimi rox!

  • -- Spend every moment like it's your last --

  • Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
    I can relate.

  • Music is to the soul and bread is to the body; Except the body can dump the crap

  • "The problems we have today cannot be solved with the same level of thinking we were at when we caused them." Albert Einstein
    Yeah. You go, Al.

  • If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
    Or, preferably, on fire.

  • A penny saved is a government oversight.
    I read long ago that the government spends over $200 million a year minting those stupid, useless things. Time for them to go. Lets get rid of the pennies while we're at it.

  • Attitude - The difference between an ordeal and an adventure
    I should have remembered that yesterday. Of course, that's probably as useless as telling someone to "Cheer up." Has that ever worked?

  • "What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?" Jean-Jacques Rousseau
    Jimmy Stewart said something similar in Harvey. "In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me."

  • "Of all the days you have available to choose from, today will give you the earliest start and the best advantage."
    Ehh. I'll comment tomorrow. Actually, I kind of like this one.

  • Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain)
    I don't know if that was really his or not. Mark Twain, like Abraham Lincoln, has the distinction of being one of the most misquoted individuals in history.

  • "Someday, in the distant future, our grandchildren's grandchildren will develop a new equivalent of our classrooms. They will spend many hours in front of boxes with fires glowing within. May they have the wisdom to know the difference between light and knowledge" - Plato -
    I don't think our grandchildren are old enough to be having sex.
And my personal favorite (taken from Stephen King's Wizard and Glass) - Good is bad, bad is good, all the stuff's the same.

Evil, out.


Mollyo said...

This is a great post. I want to save a couple of the quotes myself.
This is a fun Blog. Found it at the bottom of Blogger Dashboard - the recently updated column.
I've developed a habit of racing to the Dashboard after I post to try and catch my Blog on that list. Weird, I know. It is surprisingly difficult to do, but has introduced me to some fun Blogs I wouldn't have seen otherwise.

Anonymous said...

Im at the end of my email says; "You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get them from what's eating you. -Vicki Baum (1888-1960) Writer and Playwright"

Some really cool ones you have. :) Love the added comments to them.

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