Friday, July 16, 2004

Job Description

My job is to occupy space in a cubicle, producing about ten hours of actual work spread out over the course of a month due to waiting for morons to make decisions.

For instance, in my role as fact-checker I may come across a note such as: "Let’s schedule a training class in Dallas, TX. The teacher wants to be able to see the Empire State Building from the classroom." To which I compose an e-mail similar to: "I’m sorry, but the Empire State Building is not visible from Dallas. Something is blocking the view, possibly the Swiss Alps or Jupiter. Would you like the class to be moved to New York, or should it stay in Dallas." And then I wait.

About a week later I get my answer: "Yes." I forgot that if I illicit a response greater than binary, I just cause confusion amongst the higher powers.

Anyway, I then break the question into a series requiring yes or no answers.
Me: Do you want the class to be held in Dallas?
Moron (next week): No.
Me: Do you want the class to be held in New York?
Moron (next week): Yes.

Finally, I am ready to proceed. I now have to get permission to move the class from the current Moron In Charge since the last MIC listed the Dallas project as taking place in France and therefore the system locks out interference from the US.
Me: Can I move this class from Dallas, TX, France to New York, NY, US?
MIC (next week): Let me find another manager to approve this.

Forgetting that he or she is the sole authority over classes held in New York, the MIC institutes a game of manager tag. E-mails (cc: me) bounce around the world asking someone else to step up to the plate and approve. Eventually the messages fly high enough and someone authorizes the authorizing manager to go ahead and give their authorization. Then the e-mail flow reverses and each previously consulted moron tells the one before that he or she has decided whatever the manager who actually made the decision decided.

Did I mention these leaders are paid more than twice what I am paid? And have full medical and retirement benefits? No? Well, it’s probably irrelevant.

Anyway, with all the approvals completed I finally go to change the class location in the system only to find the class was canceled weeks ago due to a complete lack of interest.

In one hour I can leave, enjoy my weekend of R&R, then come back and do it again. Wheee!

Not that I’m complaining.


Rys said...

Moron in Charge (MiC)- can I use that??

Your blog is hysterical - you make me seem stable!!

Grant said...

Thanks. Feel free to use the term MiC, although I hope your future is relatively moron-free.