Thursday, April 28, 2011

Our Nation's Pastime

She is boring. Especially when viewed on the radio. I rode with a friend yesterday and was struck by the total lack of showmanship. I guess they're relying on the typical guy obsession with sports to make exciting an event where the most common descriptive phrase is a monotone "swingannamiss" followed by random Bingo-ish numbers ("it's now three and oh, with Bladovich standing pat on second"). I sense huge opportunities for improvement.

"Aaaaaaaand, we're back. Another foul ball, so the Earl of Boingy rides the magic unicorn to first. Captain Fleeber up to the plate now. If he misses this one, WE MAY ALL BE KILLED! Pop fly, swallowed by a dragon. Fleeber on first, the viscount to second. Hells yeah, he got demoted. He was smoking fiberglass! Time for the second inning asssault." Cue machine gun / atomic bomb sound effects. "It's a high right into candyland. The duke is heading for home. Will e make it? OHNO, a horde of zombies has emerged and is dragging him into the underworld. The all-Japanese lesbian cheerleaders go wild and make out!"

See how easy that was? They just need somebody with a little verbal creativity / inebriation / break from reality to color comment and the whole game improves. We wouldn't even need anyone actually playing the game. Before long people would say "Let's stay home and listen to the game on the radio. It's so much less fun when you actually see it."

And here is another ideal pic for the puzzle thingy below.


Knight said...

Okay, yeah I would probably want to watch that.

Kira said...

Any sport that promises the possibility of death by dragon wins automatically over any other sport we have currently on planet Earth.