Thursday, September 16, 2010

Note to self - Mexico is not in Japan

This week I took went to Mexico without leaving my neighborhood. I started by watching Machete, a decent film but not one of Robert Rodriguez's best. Pros - Danny Trejo finally gets a leading role and Jessica Alba gets more naked than ever. Cons - Linsay Lohan looks rough and Jessica Alba. It's a great film to inflict on rednecks who believe America's biggest issue is that we don't have a giant wall across the border keeping the Mexicans out. In this film the illegals are portrayed as heroes and the redneck vigilantes are the heavies. Wrapped tightly inside of a lot of scantily-clad gun-toting babes and stylized violence are some realistic views of the issues, such as how the white might right proselytize securing our borders but gain the most from exploiting illegals for cheap labor.

Example of typical Mexican waitress - this becomes relevant below.

Then I had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I had a taco because I had to have a taco (you know the urge), and a tamale because a friend of mine plied me with homemade tamales and I wanted to see how standard restaurant fare compared to ones homemade from scratch. The restaurant was still good, but it's like trying to appreciate a Whopper as the next meal after you've eaten prime rib. The wait staff was friendly and hard-working, but we suffered from some difficulty in understanding each other. The kitchen lady brought the food to our table, hands in oven mitts, and repeatedly announced "Tori!" Being the cool international man of mystery that I am, I eventually remembered that tori is foreign for chicken and directed her to my companion. That caused the waiter to come over and tell her to switch the plates because she actually said "Thirty", the number of my plate. At that point I remembered that tori does mean chicken, but in Japanese. Tiny hot women with dark hair and exotic accents bringing me food in my life usually = bunny, so I'm sure you understand the mixup. I'm sure they all had a great laugh at that and did not at all spit in any of our refills. Although I wouldn't mind if the spitter looked like Michelle Rodriguez, because I would definitely swap spit with her.

Example of typical bunny waitress - note the similarities.


Mrs. Hall said...

Michelle Rodriguez is a lesbian. a real one to. that being said, I really hated her in Lost. everytime she would show up I would pretend to blow a poisen dart at her. I no like her. not sure why, yet there it is.

tiff said...

Who wouldn't be confused??

Charlene said...

Calm down and enjoy the fact you're not at McDonald's.

Avitable said...

I really enjoyed Machete - it was exactly what I expected. Gory, exploitative, and fun.

Robin said...

Michelle Rodriguez, I'd hit that.

Grant said...

Mrs. Hall - part of me hates you for ruining my Michelle Rodriguez sexual fantasies, but the other part is busy replacing them with images of her making out with her female co-leads. Mmmmm...MR and Devon Aoki makeout session.

tiff - Latinas have a lot of bunny qualities, but with more boobage.

Charlene - I always enjoy not being at a McDonald's.

Avitable - and it had some good lines. "Machete does not text."

Robin - according to Mrs. Hall, she'd be up for that. Have fun and post vids on the web.