Thursday, April 08, 2010

I have things to say but no time to say them

So, here's a meme stolen from Tracy:

If I were a month I’d be October

If I were a day I’d be Thursday

If I were a time of day I’d be 22:37

If I were a font I’d be Wingdings

If I were a sea animal I’d be a coelacanth

If I were a direction I’d be up

If I were a piece of furniture I’d be a divan

If I were a liquid I’d be booze

If I were a gemstone I’d be an emerald

If I were a tree I’d be petrified

If I were a tool I’d be a dick

If I were a flower I’d be a Venus flytrap

If I were an element of weather I’d be a taifun

If I were a musical instrument I’d be a chainsaw

If I were a color I’d be emerald green

If I were an emotion I’d be discombobulated

If I were a fruit I’d be a really huge banana

If I were a sound I’d be a locomotive hitting a glass cow that is slipping on bologna while smoking a hookah full of bees

If I were an element I’d be unobtainium

If I were a car I’d be a 1969 classic Mustang

If I were a food I’d be gyoza

If I were a place I’d be Tokyo

If I were a material I’d be chain mail

If I were a taste I’d be miso

If I were a scent I’d be shart

If I were a body part I’d be a lower lip

If I were a song I’d be By Demons Be Driven by Pantera

If I were a bird I’d be a penguin

If I were a gift I’d be a vibrator in Asia

If I were a city I’d have already answered this one

If I were a door I’d be a trap

If I were a pair of shoes I’d be Harley-Davidson engineer boots

If I were a poem I’d be Ars Poetica, by whoever wrote Ars Poetica


Jay said...

That was pretty deep, man.

Real Live Lesbian said...

And if you were a divan, I'd come faint on you! :)

tiff said...

The gift one.....


Muskrat said...

And if I were Ron Jeremy, I'd shave more and be really really happy.

Avitable said...

What kind of fucking post is this? Are you me?

Tracy Lynn said...

Taking over the world, one If at a time.

Gail said...


I love this post - great fun!! I learned a lot about you by reading it.
Have a great weekend

Love to you

Whitemist said...

This is you? Not bad sir Grant, not bad!

Ricardo said...

I'd be booze also.

metalmom said...

You are a tool. Ergo, you are also a dick.

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...

LOL needed the laugh!

SJ said...

If I were a fool I would read this meme. Hey. No wait...

Grant said...

Jay - I don't like to brag, but I once slept through part of a course in philosophy in college.

Real Live Lesbian - is that what that is? Maybe I was thinking of a port-o-potty.

tiff - I'm good on gift recommendations.

Muskrat - are you suggesting that Ron Jeremy isn't already really, really happy?

Avitable - in my spare time, yes. You are the example we all try to follow.

Tracy Lynn - yes, world conquest through blogging.

Gail - all you need to know is that I think Japanese women are hot and you have 90% of my posts covered.

Whitemist - I should have thought of a way to answer with a bunny pic.

Ricardo - booze totally rulz!

metalmom - it was obvious.

SSC~ The Domestic Diva - don't the bunny pics make you happy enough?

SJ - I assume you skipped straight to the comment section.

Robin said...

Vibrator in Asian, I saw that one a mile away.