I called their "customer service" and got a very friendly computer on the line that took my basic information and outlined my options, also none of which were to cancel service. After playing with the voice menu for a bit, I switched to an old fall-back trick and began pressing 0 repeatedly. This usually gets you to a person, but Virgin's automated assistant was programmed not to give up so easily. It refused to budge until I selected an item from a new menu, which this time included cancellation. I sat on musical hold, listened to the computer periodically tell me how busy they are (as if that would convince me to stay), then eventually I got to talk to a real live
That reminds me of the pager company my previous employer used. Our executives often took time away from their golf game to remind our employees to save money whenever possible, which they reasoned was best accomplished by purchasing goods and services that required constant upkeep and replacement parts. The paging company was all about the cheap, crappy service. When you called, you were given two options - get a new pager which sent you directly to a person, or ask for help with your current pager, which put you on hold until they had a spare moment. We quickly learned to use option one when we had problems, and they quickly learned to put us back on hold when we said we didn't really want to give them more money.
My company got a state-wide pager for me, which didn't reach as far as my house in the suburbs of Atlanta. Geographic note - Atlanta is still in Georgia. While talking to their "customer service" people in between waits on the phone, one guy revealed that most of their pagers just work around Atlanta and they give those out in the hopes that the customers don't find out. Since I did, they gave me another one which could at least reach my house. While being sent to the Birmingham plant, I tested it en route. It didn't work beyond fifty miles out of the city.
I wonder why more companies don't use such great money-saving tactics? "Yeah, we only gave your four McNuggets in your six-pack. We were hoping you couldn't count. Here's the other two."
Below is a picture of my new imaginary friend.
I'm going to keep calling him Snoodles until he tells me his real name.