Tuesday, September 29, 2009

We interrupt the current meme for this announcement

Last weekend I left most perfect Atlanta and ventured North just short of Charlotte to visit Kira, her freakishly loved and well-behaved children, her retarded pets, and her husband Alex who maintains a minimal presence on the web and so we can bad-mouth him all we want safe in the knowledge that he has no forum of his own with which to strike back. He's French, plays Dungeons & Dragons, and he has a master's degree in cleaning in case you need an easy target.

Anyway, we stayed indoors due to my medical conditions, but that meant we got to watch her kids play a cute but repetitive Japanese video game, a movie (V for Vendetta), and we could booze to our hearts' content. Kira also cooked a lot for me, which means I have a good month ahead of me wherein I don't have to cook anything more complex than miso soup (which is slightly harder than breakfast cereal) (cereal like Captain Crunch - not the insanely difficult stuff like Corn Flakes where you have to add milk AND your own sugar), plus I got to try foods I would never otherwise have on my own. Japanese potato salad is awesome and I think the superior of even Southern style potato salad (especially since it doesn't inspire shart attacks in my intestines), and I will gladly share the recipe with you if you promise to use it. If you ask for the recipe and refuse to use it, I will come to your house and either you will feed me Japanese potato salad, or I will feast on your heart. Come to think of it, I left my cookbooks with Kira, so if you want it she will have to type it for me so I can post the recipe. Death threat recalled.

Because she sent me home with a lot of food I declined to kill her during this visit, although I did hypnotically imprint a few kill commands in one of her pets (the Doberman). That's just in case the chicken & dumplings or Alfredo don't reheat well.

BTW, the roads in NC and SC seem newer than GA, but they are not as smooth. I felt much safer speeding once I got back into my own state. On the other hand, the signs also seem newer and are much easier to read, possibly because I had to pass them at a significantly slower speed.


Kira said...

Wait, the undergrad degree is in cleaning for Alex--he actually has an MBA for his graduate work ;) Guys will poke at him for that, I'm sure, but gals won't--the man vacuums and mops. Every week. I'm ok with that.

We also got to see Hero, but we never got around to Dexter season 3 which, I am now discovering, seems to leave the dog staring at us funny. Did you put in one of the subliminal death commands in her to be triggered if we don't watch it within so many days? Weeks? Months? Seconds?

I can type 90 wpm, so if anybody wants me to type up the J-potato salad, I can do that. I really liked it too--both looking at it and eating it. The addition of the seedless cucumbers and carrots made for a great dish.

Jay said...

And you guys didn't invite the rest of us?

Sounds like a good time.

Marsha said...

It sounds like an awesome trip. And well behaved children? They exist?

Hit 40 said...


Give us the recipe. Plus, Grant needs help with post ideas. Pictures of Japanese woman only go so far. You must catch up on Dexter. Season 4 just started. Maybe, you could just take over his blog for a while ;-)

Captain Dumbass said...

That sounded great up until the well behaved children. Then I knew it was all bullshit.

Monogram Queen said...

If memory serves me right does she live in the Greenville/Spartanburg area? So glad you had a nice visit and she sent you home with food!

tiff said...

No way were you so close and didn't even send up a friggin smoke signal.


But potato salad recipes might make everything better.

Grant said...

Kira - I forgot Hero. It didn't sink in, despite the inclusion of floating bunnies.

Jay - we'll invite you next time if you agree to BYOB (where the second B can be Beer, Booze, BBQ, or Bunny).

Marsha - she has the only two on the planet, and we like to use them to convince unsure married couples to go ahead and spawn because they all turn out that way.

Hit 40 - hush, you. Bunny is everything.

Captain Dumbass - I think she beats them mercilessly when I'm not around, which explains why they are able to behave during the short periods I am exposed to them.

Monogram Queen - if you give me your credit card number, I'll give you her full address.

tiff - you're not Canadian?

Avitable said...

If you can make that trip, you can totally come down to Orlando sometime. I don't cook, but I'll treat on all the meals!

Robin said...

i have a degree in leaving my clothes on the floor.

tiff said...

Grant - you were three hours from me, us, and them.

Coulda met halfway! :)

Grant said...

Avitable - free food is good, but I want a promise of anal sex for the extra two hours I would have to drive to Orlando.

Robin - in my mind, that sounds much more erotic than I think you intended.

tiff - seriously, I thought you were in Canada. You should move to most perfect Atlanta if you want to visit.

Avitable said...

Fine. You're the catcher, then.

Grant said...

Avitable - finally, my strapon collection will see some use.