- Never, ever, ever, under any circumstance should you call me.
- In the event of an emergency, please see rule #1.
- If you must violate these rules, please leave a message. I won't be angry because I won't know (I delete all messages without checking).
My phone stays off at all times unless I am making a call, usually to order a pizza. When I turn it on, the first thing I do is delete all messages unheard because my inbox fills daily with v-mail spam. If you need to call or leave a voicemail message, the best way is to e-mail me and propose a time for me to intercept your call. I will promptly respond by calling you names and telling you to just stick with e-mail.
If you really care about me, you will either give me a laptop with a built in sattelite phone for the Internet connection, or you will send me a Japanese nurse to help care for my wounds.