Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Interview meme, part never-ending

Now being interviewed by April because I have no imagination these days and all the stuff’s the same so if I didn’t meme I’d either be silent or post pictures of random Asian women. The meme rules:

“The only rules are that you have to link back to the original post and you have to put these rules in your post:

Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.”

1. What do you consider one of the all time funniest lines from a movie that you can remember?
My favorite is from a George Carlin standup routine (I’m counting that since I saw it on DVD). To paraphrase – “The existence of the flamethrower is proof that at some time some person thought ‘Gee…I’d really like to set those people over there on fire…but they’re just too far away. If only I had a way to throw flames on them.’”

2. If you married a J-Bunny and as she aged, she got fat, would you mind?
I’m lucky (I think) in that if I’m in love with a woman, I tend to think she looks absolutely perfect. So if she aged and got fat, I would start to think young women looked unattractive because they were too thin and smooth-skinned. The only way the weight thing would bother me would be if she got obese to the point where I worried about her health. Currently my vision is not loved-up, so I find this woman attractive.

Maki Horita = Bunny!

(I had to slip in a J-bunny pic somehow)

3. You've commented on my blog several times that I should offer anal sex to my boyfriend. What would you suggest I say to him if, hypothetically speaking, I told you that I've asked him for anal sex but he's refused because he thinks it's gross?
I have to agree with him. I joke about it, but I don’t see the attraction. I think it’s like Sam Kinison says, that some guys just want it because they’re told they can’t have it. If you really want it, get him drunk and a condom, or just do it on your own time.

4. If you were put in charge, what would be your master plan to end all the shit going on in the Middle East?
I would have all fundies of every religion everywhere executed with a chainsaw since they tend to use their religion to give fuel and structure to their hate. I think that would be the first crucial step to spreading peace in the mideast. After that, I would like to see our country stay out of it as much as possible. I don’t think force is likely to promote peace and democracy in the long term unless the people want it and achieve it for themselves.

5. Why are some people assholes?
Assholery is as varied as the people who practice it, but most of the ones I deal with are in corporate sales. Those are the “pay it forward” kind of assholes. They spend a lot of time sucking up and taking crap from people they want to buy their products and services, so they look for opportunities to punish others in order to feel better. Customer service and tech support are ideal dumping grounds for those types. True story – I once had a person asking me to violate European privacy laws by giving her unrestricted access to their database without permission while at the same time reporting me to management for violating said laws by doing what she requested. I didn’t and thus got to keep my job. Asshole.


Tracy Lynn said...

Dude, that was one of my favorite Carlin lines.

Monogram Queen said...

I love George Carlin - a funny, funny man!

GreenJello said...

So what happened to the asshole person who you didn't listen to?

Kerry said...

It's exit only!!!

Captain Dumbass said...

I like the fundies idea. My only suggestion would be to use some of them for medical experimentation to help save lab rats.

Ooh! Better yet, since I fucking despise reality tv, how about using some of them for survivor type shows, but make them real life. Hey dick! You're in the middle of the Amazon. Good luck!

SJ said...

I think Captain D has the right idea but yours is good too.

BTW the bunny featured scores pretty high on the pretty scale. Drool.

Anonymous said...

Happy Wednesday! Bloghoppin' here... Hey, I have an interesting tutorial for you that I have written myself. It is about adding Adsense on your Single Post in XML template. I hope you'll like it! God Bless you!

NYD said...

Goin in the out door is fine as long as I ain't doin time with a cell mate called Bubba.

Nice Bunny!

Joe said...

Great Carlin line. Hadn't heard that one before.

Completely agree with #2. Any woman I'm in love with always looks beautiful to me. If she's unhappy with herself I'll support whatever she wants to do, but I'd never ask her to change anything for me.

Leesa said...

I was touched by #2. To have a J-Bunny and a touching comment in the same post. Who other than Grant would do that?

Anonymous said...

I'm allergic to butt sex - it makes me break out in dead.

Grant said...

tracy - I want to frame it and post it in my cubicle.

mq - I loved his mid-life works, but recently he's seemed more bitter and not funny.

greenjello - she still works there and makes a lot more money than me.

kerry - and after being on antibiotics for a month, it's too exit only.

cda - or we could combine our ideas and create the TV show Who Wants to Kill Somebody wherein frustrated people can pay a fee to be allowed to chainsaw a fundie.

sj - I wouldn't kick her out of bed.

nyd - would it be better if your cell mate was named Booger, the Mad Dog Rapist?

joe - however, if I'm not completely in love with them, I fully support rubbing a yellow highlighter over their skin, dyeing their hair black, and making them wear schoolgirl outfits with bunny ears.

leesa - I touch myself every time I post J-bunny pics. Or is that not what you meant?

jgrrl - having experienced anus pain in the form of antibiotics, there is no way I would ever want to subject anyone to anal sex.