So, without further adieu…worst – superhero – film – ever:
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer
The Good: the laws of this country do not make it required viewing.
The Bad: those scenes that fell between the opening and closing credits.
The Ugly: the Thing suit, which looks convincingly like a wad of orange rubber.
Review: After years of making competent to great superhero movies, Hollywood relaxed and dumped a steaming pile of f/x on America’s theatres. This movie should be ashamed to show its face in public. No, wait – that’s my opinion of the far superior prequel. This movie should wish it were good enough to be the movie that should be ashamed to show itself in public. Contains Jessica Alba, an overrated and completely bland beauty. Geeking her up with glasses did nothing for me. I cheered when she got killed, but the joy was fleeting as I knew they wouldn’t have the guts to leave her dead.
Suck factor: this movie can peel the chrome from a trailer hitch at thirty paces.
Overall rating: half a donkey testicle. I’d give it a zero, but at least it had moving colors and noise. If you have an iPod and a lava lamp you can replicate the experience at will.