Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Superhero movies, part the end

Having grown sick of the entire topic before ever really getting into it, I am ending the planned series of superhero movie ratings today. I’ll just list the movies by group instead of rating every single one. You won’t see Hellboy or any of the Robocops below because I forgot all about them. For the record, Hulk was my 2nd least favorite ever made followed closely by the first Fantastic Four flick. My all-time favorite (although it’s hard to pick a definite favorite) is Iron Man. The f/x didn’t overburden the story, the dialog was clever and succinct, and the soundtrack ruled! Kira was the only one to guess that, which is amazingly astute of her if you forget the fact that we had an entire conversation in which I said Iron Man is my favorite and listed the reasons why. Anyway, her gift will be in the mail as soon as I figure out how to package anal sex.

Superhero movies – the Suckfests:
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Catwoman*, Superman III. Batman & Robin.

Needs Improvement:
Superman Returns, Captain America, Batman Forever, The Punisher, Punisher

Intensely Average:
X-Men: The Last Stand, Daredevil, Batman Returns, Spider-Man 3**, Blade (I missed the sequels)

Plays Well with Others:
Batman, Spider-Man 2, X2, Ghost Rider, Superman II

Top Shelf:
X-Men, Spider-Man, Superman, Batman Begins

* Almost bad enough to be a good bad movie, but unfortunately isn’t bad in quite the right way. Partially redeemed by Halle Berry, although her meowing sounds more like mooing (Cowwoman could be a future project). Not at all helped by Sharon Stone, who I normally find sexy but this time just wanted to hold her down and feed her Kit-Kats until her weight exceeded helium. Further proof that Benjamin Bratt has no chemistry with any woman and should just accept that and move to gay porn.
** Here is a movie I can honestly say I could watch again, only because by the next day I forgot everything about it except that I didn’t really enjoy it.


Avitable said...


What's going on now? Superherowhat?

Monogram Queen said...

I liked The Incredible Hulk - the TV series. Does that count? The movie with Eric Bana - not so much.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

X-Men WAS an awesome flick (I have a thing for Wolverine...;)

And that anal sex thing? Just wrap a big red bow around it...isn't that how everyone does it?

グラント said...

avitable - that's what I get for sleepblogging.

mq - I wasn't thinking of TV shows, but I agree with your assessment of both.

pq - the character Wolverine, or Hugh Jackman? Do you prefer the movie version, or the comic version in which he's short, hairy, and has a funny hairdo?

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Both. And I prefer the movie version...but I think all versions of him have that funky hairdo.