Monday, January 28, 2008

Advice for meeting 日本人の友達

I met a local Japanese woman who waits tables (ironically) at a Thai restaurant, and we’ve really hit it off. She’s very nice, easy to talk to, and extremely cute. Unfortunately, she’s a tad young for my tastes, plus I find her a little too married. *minor sigh* Still, she’s new to the area and seems eager to make friends, and I certainly have no objection to that, especially since she’s one of the rare Japanese people who, if I speak Japanese to her, will actually respond instead of staring at me like I’ve just morphed into a psychotic dolphin hurling invectives from my diseased blowhole. Which is nice.

So, I eat at her restaurant a couple of times a week (I love the curry chicken dishes), we chat, and I’ve invited her and her husband out to meet some of my friends – some local, some not, some Japanese, some European, some American. So far she has politely refused every offer, although always with reason and she hasn’t avoided me afterwards. She works most days of the week, Sunday being her only assured day off, and her husband’s job requires him to frequently work weekends. I don’t know what he does, but since they don’t own a car (which is vital in the Atlanta metro area) and his hours are as bad as hers and since he only learns his schedule at the beginning of the week, I’m assuming he’s not upper management for a major securities firm.

So, today I made two more attempts to promote her from friendly waitress to actual friend. I sent a request to the JASG to hold our next Young Professional dinner at her restaurant. If I can’t bring her to the others, I’ll try to bring them to her. Also, I invited every Japanese person I have met to a free dinner at a local 焼き鳥 restaurant. Depending on how many people the others invite, we could be looking at about 20 people (二十人) in attendance. After inviting the others, I tried to subtly (or not so subtly) pressure my new potential friend into joining with the following angles of attack:

  1. This is a group gathering, certainly not a date, so it won’t kill her if she has to attend without her husband.
  2. The food is free.
  3. The location is across the street from where she lives.
  4. Many Japanese will be in attendance, some with important ties to the local Asian community.
  5. Several have expressed an interest in meeting her.

I think I've done all I can short of abducting her. She hasn’t confirmed yet since she doesn’t know her husband’s schedule for that Sunday, so I told her I would make reservations for them anyway and that hopefully she could join even if he can't. If she doesn’t join this time, should continue to invite them out? Maybe I could extend the offer from time to time, but I wonder if I’m just making her uncomfortable.

What do you think? Keep up the invites since she doesn’t seem to be avoiding me? Back off a little? Drop it altogether? Put her in a headlock until she passes out, drag her home, and make 肉じゃが out of her? Or would she also go better with curry?


Patti said...

This is my two cents worth: If she doesn't join you this time I would back off just a little. Maybe issue another invitation at another time but definitely back off for awhile.

Kerry said...

You def get an "A" for effort!

I agree. If she doesnt take the bait this time, back off and that might entise her a bit. Maybe she will invite YOU somewhere?! If not... invite them out again another time.

Spider Girl said... food. I'd be so there.:)

But if she doesn't jump at this invitation, I'm having similar thoughts to the above posters.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I'm with Patti...if she doesn't join you, just back off a little.

I'm sending you an invite to my blog, by the way...:)

グラント said...

everyone - I agree with you. I suggested the Thai place where she works so maybe the JASG/YP group will dine there some night, and I may invite her and hubby along again when I have other friends visiting from out of town, but I think I'll just stick to being a good and friendly customer in the meantime.

~Deb said...

Psychotic dolphin!!!!!!!!! Oh I just love your descriptions, Grant!

Here's my 1 cent: BAD IDEA!!!

Why do you want a married woman sweetie? BAD BAD BAD!

#1. If she decides to date you or whatever this may be - she'll end up doing the same thing she did to her husband.

#2. They usually never leave their husbands...

#3. Single women are better...aren't they?

I want to hear why you chose this married woman - I know she's a beautiful Japanese women, but there are so many other available women out there that would jump at the chance to date a satanic cannibal such as yourself...or...a psychotic dolphin.

Remember the atomic chickens? I kind of like that one better. Where is Leesa anyway???

グラント said...

~deb - thank you for reading SOME of what I wrote, or possibly an entirely different blog. When I discovered that she's married, I cancelled any romantic notions I had (in fact, I wasn't really set on her due to the age gap). Now I'm just trying to include her in my group of friends. I'd really like to meet her husband because then I would have two local friends. That's why I've been careful to invite both of them, and even then only to group gatherings in case only one can attend.

But married or single, they still taste the same with the right seasonings.

~Deb said...

No, I read everything. But you stated the romantic connection, but I was curious if you still hoped for some "connection" in some way by pulling off the, "oh bring your hubby" type of deal. ;)

I read all my dahhrrrlinggg... :D

グラント said...

~deb - I initially entertained some hope of a romantic hookup because she was so open and friendly and took time to swing by and chat whenever she saw me, so I took a chance and invited her to a group meeting just as friends to kick things off. When she asked to bring her husband, I dropped all romantic intentions and switched to sincere friend mode. I really hope to meet her husband and to add both of them to my local friend list because most of my friends aren't local so I have nobody to join me at nearby restaurants and events. She's definitely off the girlfriend list; even if I could steal her away, I wouldn't want to. I've seen relationships like that before, and they are a disaster. Any woman who would leave her husband for a fling won't stay loyal to the fling either. E.g. a former coworker got divorced and lost custody of her child when her husband discovered her cheating on him with a wealthy upper manager from the company. They had fun for awhile, then the manager moved on and she married a production floor supervisor who made less money than her original husband. After seeing her run through men, I would have been a little leary about entering into a relationship with her.