Friday, August 04, 2006

Why your advice sucks, part ni

Okay, we’re all in agreement that I should ask out my favorite waitress – we just disagree on how and when and the fact that, despite my lack of social skills, I’m clearly superior to you in every way that matters. More on that later. As for your collective advice, I think many of you try to push me into bad situations just so you’ll get an entertaining post out of the situation. When I first started learning Japanese, I blogged about sensei who is very pretty, but also very married and who absolutely hated my stinking hakujin guts (she kinda sorta likes me now), to which my bloggy “pals” left advice like “You should definitely ask her out.” Oh, yeah – that would have smoothed things between us.

So now we’re dealing with Emi-san, who is not married (no wedding ring at least) and doesn’t overtly hate me, two things I find attractive in any potential mate. I like her because she seems exceptionally kind and caring, plus she has a good since of humor, all things I’ve managed to observe in her over the past few months. She’s also pretty, but I won’t be telling her that in Japanese because the word for pretty and the word for unlikable / distasteful are too close for comfort.

I get the feeling some of you (where “you” = “women”) have never really thought about what is involved with approaching a person you want to get to know better. Over the years, I’ve read many posts from women who pine over some guy but don’t do anything about it, then pat themselves on the back for being old-fashioned. That’s not old-fashioned – you just like having an excuse for not having to be the aggressor. Admit it, gals. You like having your doors opened. You like being the first into the lifeboat. And you like not having to make first contact. You can relax, sit back, and play defense, and if that’s too hard, you can always accept and stand the guy up later. Side note – the next woman who does that to me will have her face removed with a belt sander.
Put yourself in Emi-san’s position. If you had a customer who was polite but not physically attractive and you didn’t know him at all, would you want him asking you out? And after turning him down, wouldn’t you feel a little awkward around him in the future? I eat there a lot, and I don’t want to feel uncomfortable or to make her avoid me, so I plan to get to know her a little before asking her out.

It’s Friday and my brain is useless, so I’ll stop here. Next week – battle plans.


Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

"not physically attractive"
According to whose standards? :)

And you got're absolutely right that I am GLAD I don't have to be the aggressor...I've often told The PK..."I am SO glad I wasn't a guy...because I NEVER would've had a date. Ever. I would never had had the guts to ask someone out."

Anyway, I see what you're saying about how if you ask her out and she says no, you'd feel awkward being around her. So why not just have dinner there like you are now but actually engage in conversation with her. And it doesn't have to be in her language either.

patti_cake said...

I'm with Stacy, Who says you are not physically attractive?
I admit it, I love being catered to, i'm old-fashioned like that!

Tracy Lynn said...

Finally, a plan from you that I can deem rational. Yes, get to know her, as well as you can before asking. That way, if she does need to turn you down for some unspecified, but probably not related to your defects, reason, she will kno0w how to do it while maintaining a friendly acquaintanship with you.

Leesa said...

You would look better without camo paint on your face. So if you always walk around with it on, perhaps you need to re-think your morning rituals.

Oh, how funny, Grant. What is even better is that you slam your reading audience for not having the sense slime mold has, and we are all ga-ga over your picture.

geekdarling said...

During my single days I could usually tell when a guy was interested and gave him an opening to ask me out. If he didn't then I figured he was just a nice guy...

So, does she treat you the way she treats all of her customers or is she a little nicer to you?

Yes, you could invest more time in getting to know her better before asking her out or you could get to know her during a casual event that you invited her to. If she declines an invitation and doesn't offer another suggestion, well then, she's just being nice to the white, repeat, customer.

annush said...

Alright dude, you shoudl either ask her out NOW or sit down and write about something else...

Hell, had I known your level of obsession was this high, I would have asked her out for you! and to think I am such a great wingwoman and you didn't take advantage of my skill ;)

Mel said...

Look, it's the 21st Century (regardless of what Mel Gibson says!) so you don't have to swagger in there like King Cock, just be gracious in defeat if she says no, but nothing ventured, nothing ...'er ... sandblasted. But point is, become friends first and suss out if there is a possibility - you can tell if you're a halfwit with some perception. You seem to be a fullwit with some perception so shouldn't be a problem. So get off your ass and battle up. Good luck Grant San.

Nobius said...

Just hit her over the head with a club and pull her home.

Neanderthal love style. :)

Anonymous said...

i dont mess around with what's old fashioned. It's up to whoever has the guts and the motivation to make the move.

I do like to be asked, and I don't often approach however. The former because I like my attention to be claimed and solicited... and the latter because I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment and don't need the trouble.

no one said u should listen to advice! well, i didnt anyway.

Death Warmed Over said...

You need a good conversation starter. Ask her if she's ever seen Kill Bill and then if all oriental women are as hot as lucy lu and can use a samurai sword.

Grant said...

pq - I'll go into more detail later, but the biggest difficulty is that the waitresses at Umezono don't linger - they're either in motion or the kitchen.

p_c - "Who says you are not physically attractive?"
That would be the women I've asked out in the past.

tracy - I can see it now. *rips out heart* "Grow another one, you white mother fucker!"

leesa - camo paint is very slimming, and slime mold is highly underrated.

geekdarling - "If he didn't then I figured he was just a nice guy..."
Or someone like me needing a less subtle hint, like a hammer to the face.

annush - I get the feeling you've never played offense. Fecking attractive young women.

mel - I've already signed all the checks "King Cock", so I'd better stay consistent.

nobius - that's what I do for foreplay. If I do that at the beginning of the date and again when we get romantic, it'll seem like I'm out of material.

fatty - "guts and motivation" - meaning the guy.
But keep commenting. Your opinions are cute. :p

death - I've asked my female blogpals to supply me with such information, but they insist on giving me such crap advice as "Just be yourself." Women.

Angie said...

Sheesh! I've already given you an opener...ask her if there are J-cultural things to do in town (an exhibit or something). Think of other things like that which she might know about. You can come up with a plan to blow up the school cafeteria but you can't come up with a plan for this?????

I'll be the first one to tell you not to poop in your own back yard...but you're obviously in very heavy "like" with this woman. It sounds like you don't have a choice.

And just so everyone knows...she does this 'glance and slyly smile' thing when he walks in. In other words, I doubt she thinks your repulsive. Either that or she's in geisha training.

Grant said...

angie - since I don't like to use the Internet for dating purposes (lotta psychos out there), I'm stuck with women I meet in my everyday life. You're right - I don't have much choice on this one.

And she does do the sly smile thing with me. I watched and didn't see her give anyone else the same smile, but it got busy shortly after I arrived so she may have just been more focused on her work. It's something to look for.

SJ said...

This is scary stuff...asking women out**shudder**

Liz said...

First off, I am not “that” woman. If I like some guy, he WILL know and yes I have asked them out too. I am not patient enough to wait around for some guys to get to business. Also I open the car door for anyone riding in my car, male or female. I call it manners, regaurdless of sex.

This is a familiar situation because less than a month ago I convinced a blogger to ask out a waitress. Although he had proof she was interested, he was shot down and I had to listen to the bitchfest. In your case, I say do not ask her out. If she liked you, you would know. And I am not seeing anything that indicates anything more than polite and friendly.

Eternity said...

I like it when a guy does the asking cause it shows that he has the confidence, or at least the guts, to take a chance. But you are right, if the girl in question isn't interested it can make things uncomfortable... but yet, it may be worth it to not have to spend too much time wondering "what if?".