Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Quik Moovee Review

I just finished BloodRayne, a movie I rented as treadmill fodder. Treadmill fodder is (usually) fast-paced eye candy, basically anything that can take my mind of the fact that I don’t like being on the treadmill. BloodRayne is billed as non-stop action, by which they mean some action scenes with long stretches of really bad dialog in between. It was directed by Uwe Boll, a man with all the talent of Ed Wood but without the enthusiasm for the craft or the respect for the actors. BTW, in the first sentence I said “finished” because I had to watch this turkey in shifts.

Pros: Kristanna Loken’s breasts (briefly), lots of mindless gore.

Cons: everything else – muddled plot, terrible dialog, poorly choreographed fight scenes, cheesy special effects, unenthusiastic acting (from people who can act, like Ben Kingsley), and a lengthy montage at the end recapping a lot of the violence in slo-mo, which looked bad enough in regular-mo.

Recommendation: read a book. Or watch somebody’s kid play the video game – it’ll be a lot more exciting.


messiah said...

contractual obligation perhaps?

Gib said...

Actually, I had fun watching it - not because it was any good, God no, but it was so spectacularly bad that you're truly amazed that anyone, even Uwe Boll, could have looked at that final cut and said "Yep, that's ready for theaters."

Also, watching Michael Madsen and Michelle Rodriguez try and act "medival" was a neat little train wreck within a train wreck.

Grant said...

messiah - I'm thinking it must be the money. Kristanna Loken signed up for his next film. I wonder how that guy manages to keep getting funding. He must have access to some deep pockets if he can afford Ben Kingsley.

gib - it would have been more fun if I had somebody there to help me mock it. Since I didn't, I had to put it in the "Bad Bad" category, as opposed to the "Good Bad" category I reserve for things like Plan 9 from Outer Space. Have you seen Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter? I think it's also in the Bad Bad category, but the theme song alone makes that atrocity worth watching.

patti_cake said...

Ooh i'm watching Nanny McPhee tonight. Think it's stack up against Blood Rayne? :P

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