Friday, April 07, 2006

Real Men Eat Tofu

The last time I ate at Umezono, the pen they gave me to sign the check was out of ink. I asked the waitress-usagi for another one and she reached into her kimono / dress / whatever you call it and plucked one from near her (almost nonexistent) boobies. I never wanted to lick an ink pen so much in my life. I wonder if it's customary in Japan to hug your waitress after the meal. Well, only one way to find out. Prepare the bail money – I’m going in. I need my weekly fix of yasai tempura.

Oh, I had the teriyaki salmon for dinner, and I’m proud to announce my homemade version tastes just as good, although not as pretty. My miso soup is coming along – the last batch was almost as good as theirs. It appears my English / Irish / German / French / Cherokee to Japanese conversion is transitioning smoothly.

There are three things that pop up frequently in the Japanese diet – rice, soy, and fish. I’ve always eaten fish. Of course, it was usually breaded and fried like we do with all of our other foods (including breath mints) but it was still fish. I never ate rice or soy, mainly because neither was served at my house, but also because when I had them at school, they were both godawful.

Southerners don’t cook rice like the Japanese where it’s sticky enough to eat with chopsticks; in fact, we regard sticky rice as being made incorrectly. Our school cafeterias made their rice with loads of margarine and salt, which did nothing to enhance the flavor but did make it greasy and fattening like everything else they served. Since the rice they used (most likely some over-processed minute rice) had all the flavor of Styrofoam, they served it with brown beef gravy to make it palatable. Note – this was in addition to the meat, not in place of it. So, one of our typical school lunches would consist of meatloaf with gravy and rice with gravy and green beans simmered in pork fat and a roll (always) loaded with margarine (always) and a brownie or something for desert, plus a cup of whole milk because growing bodies apparently need all the fat they can get, especially when facing the frigid Tennessee winters. And people wonder why our average elementary school students weigh as much as a cement truck.

More on soy and fish when I have time. Damned fascist bosses, how dare they expect a fair day’s work in exchange for my paycheck?

Final note – if any of you reading this are Asian-usagi, I get paid a lot. Now don’t you find me attractive?

8 comments:

Mel said...

They should have had Vegemite sandwiches at your school caf.

Nobius said...

Hey I love rice with butter and salt.

Your new template looks fine through Firefox.

Nobius said...

Hey I love rice with butter and salt.

Your new template looks fine through Firefox.

fatty ~ said...

your description of school lunches is seriously making my stomach turn in disgust. Seriously.

Eating a lot of asian food makes me really healthy - despite eating terribly at school and on the weekends [macdonalds, ice-cream and chocolate milk, pizza diet]
but as a result - i'm really sensitive to a diet of heavy, fatty and oily foods.

how has the diet change affected your health/body? sounds like a dramatic change.

there are so many forms of rice - i cant stand how aussies cook it dry and almost crunchy.

High Desert Diva said...

I'm impressed with your cooking ability.

Your rice description made my stomach turn as well. Margarine is evil.

~Deb said...

This reminds me of high school when they gave you that "ice-cream scoop" full of rice...and it stayed. It was a ball of fricken rice.... Do you remember that? I think it was the same for every school.

The template is great----except for the picture!!! It scares me!!!! (hehe) jk. Well done!

Grant said...

mel - yes, the induced vomiting would have cut our caloric intake.

nobius - butter and salt is for popcorn.

nobius - butter and salt is for popcorn.

aka fatty - I'll post more about the changes at the end of the trial (in another week or so). Crunchy rice? You can keep that along with your vegemite.

hdd - thanks, although my cooking skills are currently very limited. I prefer butter to margarine, but haven't had a use for it since switching to Japanese food.

~deb - they served us no-stick rice with a giant flat spoon. Ours was closer to rice soup.

Weary Hag said...

I like Asian white rice and yes, BECAUSE it's sticky. At home I only use brown or wild rice.

And Rice Krispies. Don't forget them.