Random Thought Friday

Yes, I’m stealing Ddot’s idea. So sue me. Note to Ddot – don’t actually sue me, because this isn’t theft. It’s an homage. Yeah, that’s it.

Note to fellow employees – get on the elevator, push the button and, when it stops, get off. That’s the basic concept. I’m not joking – several times I have waited for my elevator to arrive only to miss it because the people inside stand around looking confused, exclaim “Oh!” and then jump out just before the doors close. You just know those are the same people who, when the light turns green, immediately continue to sit there. “I’m not gonna go first. I’ll go if you go. Quick, honey, get the driving manual out of the glove box. Find out what green means again.”

Speaking of which, does anybody out there actually keep gloves in the glove box? How about trunks in the trunk?

Back to the elevators, I’ve also missed them because my coworkers (pronounced cow-orkers in this case) waddle out slowly and then block the entrance with their massive bodies until the doors close. This usually happens while they’re en route to the cafeteria. Suggestions: 1) use the stairs, and 2) don’t go to the cafeteria in the first place.

Easter was originally a fine holiday when it was all about the chocolate and painted eggs and the bunny, but then the Xtians had to muck it up by inserting their hippy zombie god Jebus into the mix. Thanks a lot, you fecking Xtians.

Come to think of it, Halloween was a lot of fun until the Xtians decided it was tantamount to practicing witchcraft and had it axed. I’m not sure about where you live, but here under the bible belt (somewhere closer to the bible crotch) I hear more people saying it’s evil than the number of trick-or-treaters I get. Thanks for using your narrow-minded zealotry to rob your children of a good time.

While we’re on that, Xmas used to be a lot of fun when it was all about Santa, but the Xtians had to futz that one up as well, what with their weird displays of livestock and shepherds and a baby in a crib OUTDOORS. What the hell are they thinking, leaving a baby outside at that time of year?

Speaking of which, I’m at work today because I’m employed by godless heathens, but Happy Good Friday to the rest of you.

I had more, but my brain is old and leaky and it fell dead on the floor before it could make it to my fingertips.