Friday, April 14, 2006

Random Thought Friday

Yes, I’m stealing Ddot’s idea. So sue me. Note to Ddot – don’t actually sue me, because this isn’t theft. It’s an homage. Yeah, that’s it.

Note to fellow employees – get on the elevator, push the button and, when it stops, get off. That’s the basic concept. I’m not joking – several times I have waited for my elevator to arrive only to miss it because the people inside stand around looking confused, exclaim “Oh!” and then jump out just before the doors close. You just know those are the same people who, when the light turns green, immediately continue to sit there. “I’m not gonna go first. I’ll go if you go. Quick, honey, get the driving manual out of the glove box. Find out what green means again.”

Speaking of which, does anybody out there actually keep gloves in the glove box? How about trunks in the trunk?

Back to the elevators, I’ve also missed them because my coworkers (pronounced cow-orkers in this case) waddle out slowly and then block the entrance with their massive bodies until the doors close. This usually happens while they’re en route to the cafeteria. Suggestions: 1) use the stairs, and 2) don’t go to the cafeteria in the first place.

Easter was originally a fine holiday when it was all about the chocolate and painted eggs and the bunny, but then the Xtians had to muck it up by inserting their hippy zombie god Jebus into the mix. Thanks a lot, you fecking Xtians.

Come to think of it, Halloween was a lot of fun until the Xtians decided it was tantamount to practicing witchcraft and had it axed. I’m not sure about where you live, but here under the bible belt (somewhere closer to the bible crotch) I hear more people saying it’s evil than the number of trick-or-treaters I get. Thanks for using your narrow-minded zealotry to rob your children of a good time.

While we’re on that, Xmas used to be a lot of fun when it was all about Santa, but the Xtians had to futz that one up as well, what with their weird displays of livestock and shepherds and a baby in a crib OUTDOORS. What the hell are they thinking, leaving a baby outside at that time of year?

Speaking of which, I’m at work today because I’m employed by godless heathens, but Happy Good Friday to the rest of you.

I had more, but my brain is old and leaky and it fell dead on the floor before it could make it to my fingertips.

9 comments:

Joe said...

Equally annoying are the people who charge onto the elevator as soon as the doors open rather than letting people out first.

I, too, am at work today. It's deathly silent. I think that means God's unhappy with me for working on a holy day. I'll let you know if He smites me before day's end.

BBB_0202020 said...

lmao@ you brain being leaky. and I just talking about the dumb asses that sit at the green light the other day. It's like they waiting for pigeon signals or something!

~Deb said...

I can't believe Jesus got in the way of Christmas and Easter. To think they want to take away Santa and the Easter bunny just because Jesus was born on Christmas and died during the time of Easter. How absurd!

I need to take the stairs more often...you just reminded me of my glutton nature. ;)

circe said...

I'm in education, aka 'godless heathens' also so I'm at work...

messiah said...

as a DNRC operative, i believe you need to find a better class of people to work for.

at least you're stealing back some time from them.

i am lucky enough to be relaxing today. (and i get monday off too. ha!)

Grant said...

joe - I've been told by other displaced NYers that we're too relaxed here, so I can honestly say I've never dealt with people rushing ont the elevator. Just loads of slow, waddling cattle.

tigerkiss - I'm tempted to buy a giant redneck pickup with a cowcatcher to start pushing those people out of the way.

~deb - glad I could be of help.

circe - education is the devil.

messiah - normally I applaud their non-xtian stance on things, but not when I miss getting a day off.

Liz said...

What does Jebus have to do with the Easter bunny? Does he help dye the eggs or something?

fatty ~ said...

i swear i commented here - it musta got eaten.

Ddot the King said...

I'm sorry I missed this post. I loved your random thoughts. Don't you feel better when you get all the nonsense out of the way?! LMAO!