Saturday, April 29, 2006

Hell is Other People

My neighbor who has been mostly invisible (just the way I like her) for the past couple of months decided to visit me this morning – AT 6:00 AM! She knocked and rang the doorbell and I knew who it was the instant I got out of bed and put on a shirt to answer the door. I left the chain on and opened the door a crack to find her standing there, smiling but not speaking.

Me (annoyed): “What do you want?”
Her: “Hiii-iiiiiii.”
She has a high voice (by which I mean both in pitch and stoned out of her gourd) and a way of speaking that sounds almost like the wind sighing in the trees, which could sound nice except I only hear it when she wakes me up on the weekend to ask for money / beer / a ride.
Me: “I don’t like people waking me up for no good reason.”
Her (still smiling): “Really?”
Me: “Don’t ever come here again.”

I shut the door in her face and tried to go back to bed, but I was too steamed to sleep. This is one of the rare kinds of people who can really get under my skin – bums who feel no compunctions about bothering me at any hour of the day or night to ask me to provide goods and services. I was going to ask if anybody else thinks it’s okay to mooch off strangers, but I’m pretty sure there’s nowhere on this planet where it’s socially acceptable to waken a person you don’t even know on the weekend to ask if you can have his beer.

J-class went okay, despite my discombobulated brain. I’m having trouble recognizing my hiragana, but I did better than anybody else at sentence composition and pronunciation (some of these people still mispronounce words like they did day one). Then I had a lovely lunch at Umezono, bought a couple of small, decorative bowls and some o-cha at the Tomato Store (Asian market), came home and tried to catch up on my sleep.

As I lay in bed, I was reminded via air assault that this is the weekend the FECKING BLUE ANGELS are in town, and by in town I mean they’re operating out of the air reserve base less than two miles from my apartment. Normally it’s very quiet here unless we’re actively bombing some country, but those guys flew low and fast enough to set off car alarms in my neighborhood. Where’s a good terrorist with a surface to air missile when you need one?

Air shows have always struck me as the height of stupid anyway. “Hey! Let’s burn lots of expensive fuel in multi-million dollar aircraft while dazzling a bunch of dumb rednecks with our ability to almost have several mid-air collisions while they’re standing RIGHT BELOW US!” Couldn’t they just leave the planes out of it and, I don’t know, kiss poisonous snakes or demonstrate their ability to survive repeated blows to the head?


kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

6 o'freakin'clock in the morning?!?!?

One more example of why I can't stand people living too close... like, within a mile radius. You showed marvelous restraint in closing the door on her face. She wouldn't have been so fortunate with me.


Tracy Lynn said...

Neighbors like yours are the reason why I'm often heard threatening to stab people in the eye.
There is a neighbor kid who dug me out last winter. I paid him as a thank you. Now the feckin' kid stops by on a semi regular basis to ask for money because he and his friends are 'thirsty'. What the hell? Do I LOOK like a drink vendor or an ATM?

Anonymous said...

tell me, did you speak jap at Umezono? hmmm?

anything that is going to kill red-necks could be arguably a good thing.

SJ said...

6 am on a weekend!? WTF?

You should have closed the door literally on her face keaving face shaped bump on the door Cartoon Network style.

Just Some Gal said...

I have leeches of neighbors like that too. I am usually regarded as an icy person but the moment they see CDA, they stop him, talk to him and bum cigs, etc. BLEH! I'd f*cking kick some ass for 6 am...

As for the air shows, the only redeeming feature is you're able to pick out the rednecks that went because they all have massive sunburns and raccoon eyes from the sunglasses. :-P We have low flying fighter jets that patrol our area because of exxon/mobile's refinery that is "next door"... UGH

Liz said...

Glad you shut the door on her Grant. Good for you. Hope that is the end of her, now I can bother you for cash and beer.

Juliabohemian said...

do you and this neighbor have any sort of relationship that would warrant her needing to speak to you at that hour?

The blue angels used to do an air show near my house every year. one year there was an explosion and the pilot was killed. I want to say it was 1994...
Anyway, I never liked it. All day long you could hear sonic booms and it drove all the animals nuts.

Weary Hag said...

Tell me, when you got up and put on a shirt to go to the door, did you have on pants too or no? If you didn't, that could be why she keeps coming back there so much.

I absolutely love your description of air shows.

annush said...

dude, at 6 o clock in the morning i would beat somebody with a bat! It just goes to show one of the very many reasons why I HATE PEOPLE!

PBS said...

Invisible is just how I like my neighbors too. But it's much harder to ignore them here in an apartment building than it was when living out in the country.

I LOVE airshows. I know, I know, it's almost as bad as people who like NASCAR and really stupid but I just can't help myself. But I wouldn't love an airshow at 6:00 a.m.

TTD said...

6AM??? on the weekend??? i woulda wanted to shoot her! how rude & inconsiderate of her... i woulda cursed her out!!

Melissa said...

You knock on my door in the middle of the night (6:00 am is most definitely the middle of the night) and I'm answering the door the way I sleep. Bare, with a loaded S&W. You don't like what you see, don't knock on my fucking door.

Grant said...

kimber - I'd love to live in an isolated place, but I like everything about the city except living near people. Of course, when I lived in a little subdivision in the country, the few neighbors I had made up the difference by being nosier than the city dwellers.

tracy - you may have to tell him the quickie mart is closed. That's why I try never to accept help from anybody.

fatty - no, I chickened again. I'm still waiting until they can understand me when I pronounce the food names. Note - they have no problem understanding the rednecks mispronouncing the words, just me attempting to say them right.

sj - unfortunately she knew enough to stand back. She's a practiced mooch.

blondie - if I see anybody like that Monday in the office, I'll know to blame them for this weekend of no sleep.

liz - don't forget to ask me for a ride or the experience won't be complete.

julia - I once made the mistake of lending her money (which she eventually repaid) and giving her a couple of beers, but then she came by at 4:00 AM and kept pounding on the door so the next day I told I didn't people banging on my door for beers at 4 AM. Apparently that was too subtle.

weary hag - I had shorts on, so I guess she's just in it for the free beer.

annush - I hate people too. They're the worst.

pbs - the neighbor incident was at 6 AM. The airshow started at 8 AM yesterday and today, which is still too early for me.

ttd - if she drops by again, I'll send her to you.

melissa - naked AND armed? I'm there. :p

Anonymous said...

i miss ur profile pic...

more than ur header too - which i also miss.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I hate air shows. Sometimes I think it is all the Air Force is good for, but then I am an Army brat. Where I live, we don't talk to our neighbors because we don't know what they may do; my next door neighbor woke up to find all 4 tires of his car stolen. That's what you get for having a nice car in the city.

hellbunny said...

You answer your door at 6am.I'd of just put on the radio and gone back to sleep with the covers over my head

patti_cake said...

I would have probably not answered the door. I'm anti-social like that especially if I had reason to suspect it was her. Good job Grant!

Grant said...

fatty - I'm trying out a new hosting service, which so far is not impressing me.

enemy - a tank show would be much more impressive, would only burn MO-gas or diesel, and crashes wouldn't be invariably fatal or kill half of the audience.

hellbunny - I did that when she dropped by at 4 AM and she didn't go away for at least ten minutes.

patti_cake - thanks, but I felt if I didn't deal with her, she'd come back. Of course, she may anyway. I hope I was clear this time.