Soup Bloopers

My main staple for lunch has been Campbell’s Chunky soups in the microwavable containers because they’re a) filling, dos) cheap, iii) tasty, and 4) relatively low in unnatural ingredients, but after today I think I’m going to have to eliminate them.

The way they are supposed to work is you take the plastic cap off, pull the metal lid free, replace the plastic cap (which contains holes for the steam), and then you microwave it for a couple of minutes. Sometimes the soup makes soft blooping noises, which is why I nicknamed them Blooping Soups. Occasionally the blooping comes out as a loud bang, particularly if your dealing with a thick stew. Less frequently, the soup container will take a little hop in the air and make the microwave rattle. On rare occasions, the lid will pop off making a small mess. Overall it’s been tolerable.

Today my Sirloin Burger with veggies made an incredibly loud bang, hopped into the air, and flung off the lid all at the same time, making an incredible mess and drawing a lot of attention to me. In typical corporate fashion, our company provides paper towels that don’t absorb and no cleaning products for the break area. Note – our “break area” is a cubicle with a microwave you can use to heat your food before returning to your desk. Luckily I had brought some Formula 409 and was wrist deep in soup when everybody (including my boss’s boss’s boss) came by to see what happened. I spent nearly twenty minutes trying to clean soup from the microwave walls, door, ceiling, rotating glass plate, under the plate, and then outside the microwave since the stuff ran everywhere when I opened the door. I spent nearly twenty minutes restoring the break area (it would have taken less than five with an actual piece of cloth), then retired to my cubicle with the remaining soup – less than a quarter remaining, and not a piece of meat in sight.

Blooping Soups will be off the menu as soon as my supply runs out. In terms of ease and convenience, it would be simpler to run outside and stun a squirrel with a rock, clean it at my desk with my scissors and staple remover, then fry it on the office copier.