Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Day 24

Since I didn’t want to awaken too early today, I let myself stay up a couple of extra hours last night. Normally I have to force myself to go to sleep before one A.M. if I want to get enough sleep to drag myself out of bed in the morning. This time I slept through the night and awoke just minutes before the alarm sounded. That makes three nights in a row with only five hours sleep and I feel fine. Take that, caffeine junkies. Note - the not sleeping thing is not insomnia, my usual problem – I just don’t need the extra sack time. I have moved a significant step closer to my goal of becoming an immortal vampiric demonic astro-zombie Jedi from Hell.

I wonder what would happen if I take things to the next level. I’ve already eliminated nearly all processed foods and ultrasugars. What would happen if I cut out even organic cane sugar? Would I no longer need to sleep ever again? I could use the added time to train for my next adventure - running with the bulls in Pamplona. The part I don’t get is why the people run and the bulls give chase. They’re cows, people. Remember who eats who. Those uppity bovines need to learn to respect the chain of food. My plan is to hang in the back of the human crowd until the race is started, and then I shall turn on the cows and slay them all with my high-speed/low-drag effusive literary drunken monkey kung-fu which I just made up. Then I will grab two of the bulls and rub them together until they ignite, turning the area into a pit roast as I laugh and shout and cavort in victory. (Note – I’ve always liked the word “cavort.” It sounds vaguely Satanic without any overt references.) And if some snake-licking home grown terrorist pusswad from PETA doesn’t like this, then I’ll feed them to the flames as well. MORE BARBECUE FOR THE REST OF US!

No doubt you’ve spotted the single flaw in that plan – barbecue sauces have much sugar in them. I haven’t found a decent BBQ sauce that isn’t loaded with chemicals or sugars, although I did find one at Harry’s Farmers Market that sparingly uses organic cane sugar. Maybe I shouldn’t think of taking things to the next level. I like my apples and whole grain waffles. I guess the bulls are safe for now.

Psycho, out

2 comments:

Sask 1 said...

I work graveyard shifts and sometimes i only sleep for 4 hours and it never does me any harm.I think its how deep a sleep you have that matters more than how many hours.
June

annush said...

my cousin makes her own BBQ sauce. SO healthy and so delicious! I'll ask her for the recipe so I can send it to you and you can go back to planning your bbq