Friday, August 26, 2005

Amateur Anthropology

Amateur Anthropology

On the way to work every morning I have to drive past a corner where all the schoolgirls congregate.  I wouldn’t pay any attention to them but they like to sit on the curb and stand in the road with their backs against traffic, so I have to closely maneuver around them without squishing any* (not with that many witnesses) while simultaneously avoiding the oncoming cars.  One day it struck me (a thought, not an oncoming car) – there were no boys in the group.

I knew the local schools were regular public affairs, co-ed and not all-girl academies, so I looked around for the boys the next time I passed.  I saw them at the same curb, lurking out of plain sight behind some overgrown bushes.  I had forgotten that facet of male adolescent behavior – when given the opportunity, the male of our species will pick an obfuscated vantage point to hide any illegal or immoral acts he may be committing.  I remember that age (kinda sorta), and I always gravitated to the back of the bus / classroom / cathedral whenever possible.  It’s not that I (and the other guys) was always doing something wrong* like my mother suspected, it’s just that if you want to do something “bad” – like make up dirty limericks, smoke a cigarette, or dismember a rape victim – it helps to draw as little attention to yourself as possible.  Guys instinctively understand this.

I’ve also noticed that there is usually one or two girls hanging around the guy area, but no guys in the girl sector.  I look over the girl group every morning (they probably think I’m some pervert, but I’m not*) and never see a defector.  This I don’t understand.  The boys are getting at the age where lust should be overriding their fear of cooties, so why the isolation?  And what’s with the one girl hanging with the guys?  What’s her deal?  Temptress?  Drug dealer?  All around skank?  If you have any ideas, please leave a comment.

And speaking of women (well, we’re speaking of them now), I’ve made yet another observation.  When I sit down for my bowl of pre-work porridge, it’s always just in time to catch the medical segment on the various morning so-called news shows.  While flipping through the channels, I learned that Osteoporosis is far more likely to occur in women.  Another station informed me that women are more likely to suffer medical and psychological problems due to low self esteem.  Women are far more likely to suffer from an eating disorder.  On the last channel I missed the medical term, but whatever it was (you guessed it) more women fell prey than men.  I’m not kidding – I heard all these reports this morning.  All I can say is you women had better stop complaining that you’re the only ones who can get pregnant.  You should be glad you can reproduce, because from a medical standpoint you’re just not cost effective.

More will be revealed*.

* at least as far as you know

1 comment:

sands of time said...

Well i guess we have your mother to thank for you being here.