Day Nine

Praise Bob and Jebus! Halle Berry! Chunky peanut butter! Amen! (read: Take That!) The headache is finally gone. Of course my jaw now aches since I visited my angelic pain technician, Dr. View. Maybe that’s what my head needed, multiple puncture wounds inflicted by a cherub to release the demons from my head, a sort of modern age trepanation if you will.

And speaking of Dr. Hot, I think I’m beginning to grow on her like a fungus. The whole time she worked on me she never once spat in my face, or told me that she reviled me, or called security, all of which I find very encouraging. Plus I actually managed to say “I’m fine, how are you?” to her before having half of my head numbed (that’s not an exaggeration). Things are proceeding, but too slowly. At this rate all my teeth will be cleaned and repaired before we consummate the relationship. Maybe next time I should try one of the pickup lines posted by Dave Barry. Or ask her if she would be willing to handle my eye exam as well. Or bash myself in the teeth with a claw hammer.

By the way, my gold molar is now in place making me a total pirate. Arrr, matey.