On top of all that other romantic crap, she had an iPod on her hip. It sat in an open-faced belt clip, and I noticed that she had chosen the same model as Satan Sue*. The setting was perfect – a chance meeting between two people who liked instant foods, own iPods, and think Asian chicks are dead sexy. Well, at least one of us thought that. BTW, I’m also into redheads. If I could only find a Chinese woman with bright green eyes who is a natural redhead, owns a liquor store, and on weekends is the bass player for a heavy metal band…but I digress.
iPods are the perfect conversation starter since you can compare musical tastes, playlists, audiobook selections, and the fact that we’re so much cooler than everybody else. (Warning – some of us who have reached the sixth level of iPodia are pyrokinetic and can set you on fire with a thought, so accept your dweebishness as your cross to bear and leave us the Hell alone.) As an added bonus, I could ask her where she got the cool belt clip that allows access to the click wheel. My overpriced belt clip, the official one from Apple, completely covers the front. So I girded my loins, tucked them into the full upright and locked position, and prepared to make contact.
Side note – I empathize with women who dislike being hit upon by smelly slobs when they’re trying to take care of business, I really do, but please try to put yourselves in our sweaty shoes. Being the one society expects to make the first move is not an enviable position. In the dating arena, I’d rather play defense any day.
So, loins girded, I began to track my
What to do? What is the proper etiquette for that situation. Should I jump in front of her, flail my arms like I’m having a seizure, and wait for her to acknowledge me? Maybe I should sidle up, yank a bud free, and whisper some of the things I’d like to do to her in her ear. Women love confidence, right? Then again, I could always pretend to choke and hope she comes to my rescue before the hairy tub of lard fondling the boxes of Hamburger Helper. By the time I reached my decision (stand like an idiot with a frozen smile and hope she makes the first move) the iPod princess had disappeared. A quick tour through the store netted nothing. I wound up in the ice cream section and decided to drown my sorrows with ice cream bars since nobody never loves me never ever ever. Note – it was not Ben & Jerry’s. I’m a manly man. I stick with Mayfield.
If you’re reading this (and you know you are) and you’re a hot Asian woman in her thirties who owns an iPod and lives in the Atlanta area, leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail letting me know when and where I can
There’s probably a lesson in here somewhere, but I’m not seeing it.
* my iPod, the 40gb full-size model.