Thursday, September 23, 2004

Business 101

In case anyone wanted to understand some of the fundamentals of the real business world, here is a quick overview of a general audit:
  1. The auditors come through, make a bunch of statements designed to scare people (e.g. "Remember, the job you save may be your own.") and question people at random, expecting them to admit they make no contribution to the company.
  2. Regardless of what they see or hear, the auditors go away for a few days and then issue a report saying how much needs to be cut from certain areas of the company.
    Note - the auditors never say costs need cutting in accounting. In fact, according to their "logic" the more auditors a company hires, the more savings they will generate to the point where all the companies profits come from paying people to say the rest of the company isn't worth the money wasted on them.
  3. Management reviews the reports, panics, and begins laying off people.
    Note - managers almost never lay off other managers. They go for the extraneous personnel, i.e. the people doing the actual work.
  4. Things calm down, business goes about as usual, then - REPEAT!

This counts as college credit for any introductory business course. Leave a comment explaining what you learned, then print out the post and present it to the dean. In future posts, I'll see that you get exempt from introductory courses in Psychology, Accounting, Algebra, Criminology, and Leadership. I may also post lessons in Advanced Killing.

Edjumacated, out

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