Monday, August 02, 2004

Sick Time

I went home and had a nap for lunch, so now I'm feeling much better.

Sick days are wasted on sick people. Do yourself a favor - if at all possible, drag your diseased carcass into work and make them pay you for your inefficient, germ-laden time. That way you get to reserve your sick days, or "unannounced vacation days" as I like to call them, for when you can take full advantage. The cherry on this plan is that, if you puke at work, somebody else can clean it up. Note - the last doesn't apply if you are the janitor / custodian / waste management engineer.

Of course, you still have to call in sick. Most managers wouldn't like to hear "Bob? I'm not coming to work today. It's beautiful outside and I feel great and I don't want to waste it on the likes of you." Which begs the obvious question, why can't we call in temporarily insane? We'd still be lying, but it would be a trifle more honest since we wouldn't be using our fake *sick* voice. Instead, in a perfectly normal (even chipper) tone we could say "Bob? I'm not coming to work today. The iridescent bunnies that live under my bathroom sink are beginning to chant 'Stay home and polish your chainsaws' and I know better than to ignore them." The next day you show up, explain the insanity was temporary, and all the stuff's the same.

Feel free to use these ideas at your place of work / education / worship. Also feel free to take all the credit yourself. Really, I don't mind.

Wisdom, out.

P.S. I typed this at work, so I got paid for it.

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