tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75104292024-03-23T14:03:51.066-04:00Discombobulatingrant<b>Warning - blog owner is old and cranky and if you leave a comment he will follow you back to your place and return comment which usually leads to drama and debate, so if your blog is particularly Jesus / kitty / kid-intensive, you may want to reconsider.</b>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.comBlogger1499125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-6538307008287973652012-02-08T08:04:00.005-05:002012-02-08T08:50:18.019-05:00And then that happenedHi there! I wouldn't dust off this thing except that it was hugged out of me by <a href="http://coalminersgd.blogspot.com/">CMGD</a>, a <a href="http://www.internetslang.com/SAHM-meaning-definition.asp">SAHM</a> (not to be confused with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SARS">SARS</a>) who recently turned a new age (the pretty one). We celebrated her decrepitude over tortillas, which was nice. There's nothing much new to report here. I am now unemployed, my lower left leg is discolored and bleeds a lot, I'm in the process of discarding my possessions so I can move to <a href="http://www.seattle.gov/">Seattle</a> (aka Bunnyland), I drive a white '95 Taurus, I'm in love with a Wiffle Hutt waitress who looks like <a href="http://www.j-stiles.com/photos/">Julia Stiles</a> without the bitchy overtones, my eyesight is fading, I like 90's sitcoms, and I have trouble stringing two coherent sentences together. Why don't fish have beanbag furniture? A pizza. And which is better: bouncy or boingy? Also, I no longer personally hate every person alive.<br /><br />And here is Tracy's web site because I can't count the three times people have asked me for it recently: http://www.kaplyinc.com/Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-70757738457530043822011-05-29T15:54:00.003-04:002011-05-31T08:25:21.298-04:00Memorial Weekend CelebrationLong ago on one of my birthdays I finally decided that spontaneity sucks. I woke up, decided to go to a historic site, couldn't find it, went shopping for a gift, found the store had moved, then went to a restaurant that sounded interesting and discovered it closed. That night I printed maps and directions, found new places online, and did the whole thing right the next day. Preparation is good, but the key to successfully planning an event is to later claim everything happened according to your plans. So, in retrospect, here is my plan for an insightful and enjoyable Memorial Day weekend.<br /><br />Thursday:<br /><ol><li>Sick of living off beans and applesauce for weeks, force myself to go to the grocery.</li><li>Feeling too ill to cook any of the new food, grab dinner from McDonald's.</li><li>Debate with employees at both windows about who will provide a receipt (final decision - neither).</li><li>Spend hours having menopause hot flashes and constantly turning the a/c down.</li><li>Fever breaks, periodically turn a/c up again and fall asleep on futon watching reruns of Scrubs.<br /></li><li>Awaken in the middle of the night to discover I am nauseous because I am in mid-vomit.</li><li>Consider running to the toilet, but decide it is too late to not puke on the futon and floor and decide to contain the damage to that area.</li><li>Note that regurgitated fries look like watery oatmeal, scoop vomit into the futon covers then race them to the washing machine.</li><li>Realize too late that the machine was already almost full.</li><li>Mop up remaining bits of vomit, turn washer on, go to bed.</li></ol>Friday:<br /><ol><li>Awaken too late to check status of vomit - rush off to work.</li><li>Enter apartment to realize that the day's heat did not cause the sour vomit smell to dissipate.<br /></li><li>Discover that the washer was indeed overloaded and that some of the vomit was more solid than first appeared.</li><li>Unload washer, shake clothes to dislodge larger chunks into the trash, place in piles.</li><li>Spend evening doing several rounds of trying to clean the barf juice from the futon cushion while disinfecting the air with Green Apple Lysol while washing a load of clothes followed by scraping the leftover vomit out of the washing machine.<br /></li></ol>Saturday:<br /><ol><li>Out of bed by the crack of five PM. Notice apartment still smells of vomit.</li><li>On the advice of <a href="http://www.kaplyinc.com/">Tracy</a> whose Puke-fu is strong, go to Publix to buy Oxy Clean, aka Barf Begone (not a real slogan, but it should be).</li><li>Consider buying a box of Friday's Bacon and Cheddar Potato Skins because they're half off.<br />Q - how can you identify what is on sale at Publix?<br />A - look for the empty spaces on the shelves.</li><li>Having learned my lesson, have burger and fries from Krystal as the day's meal instead. (note - this time, pass on barfing since I'm still dealing with Thursday's upheaval)</li><li>While cleaning futon again, decide to name this weekend Vomitmas 2011.</li></ol>Sunday:<br /><ol><li>Awaken and note that Sunday will not in fact be the first day of Vomitmas that will not revolve around stomach issues.</li><li>Look at new food, decide I can't stomach anything stronger than beans and applesauce, then eat them on the futon that no longer smells like a fraternity carpet while watching Scrubs reruns.</li></ol>Monday:<br /><ol><li>Back to work! (at least I have permission to work this day from home)<br /></li></ol>There - all goals achieved. I guess that means I both had fun and reflected on the lives lost in order to give me my distinctive American lifestyle.Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-57829131637451932902011-05-25T16:23:00.005-04:002011-05-26T09:35:00.918-04:00Diabetes Notes plus BunnyI've been taking Metformin for two years, which is supposed to help control blood sugar at the expense of making one (where one = me in this case) permanently sharty. I recently cut back on my prescribed amount, from 2k mg to 1k, then quit taking it altogether when (again) my prescription ran out and my doctor's office couldn't be bothered to refill it. As a result, my stomach problems have almost completely disappeared while my blood glucose levels have remained the same. Bear in mind that I'm also injecting 82 units of Lantus (insulin) per day. Maybe the Metformin is just for amateur diabetics and doesn't help when you go pro. I'm just happy to save $8/month and to once again know the joys of using a urinal since I no longer have to crap more than pee.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvGeaEGVygP61_8Qyn2NZriywuhA5yc7LBIh0UBaoKKxeLhPmyOX2LWipXPVCkgnhOjLV-oO7Tyxm9mqNA1g47GcI6AGX1woLcAPYQLOaVdSfV74PT9bfyZk5YgX4I1smhmrZVA/s1600/824668380_WYJ2011No.25_03_122_348lo.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 284px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvGeaEGVygP61_8Qyn2NZriywuhA5yc7LBIh0UBaoKKxeLhPmyOX2LWipXPVCkgnhOjLV-oO7Tyxm9mqNA1g47GcI6AGX1woLcAPYQLOaVdSfV74PT9bfyZk5YgX4I1smhmrZVA/s400/824668380_WYJ2011No.25_03_122_348lo.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5610753190384866546" border="0" /></a>I won't bother listing her name or age because she just got engaged. Bunny is off the market. =(Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-27793503329963992972011-05-19T17:21:00.001-04:002011-05-19T17:23:14.271-04:00Happy SongIf this doesn't enhance your happy, you are a truly horrible person.<br /><p align='center'><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/IsQRZ4TsljI" allowfullscreen="" width="425" frameborder="0" height="349"></iframe></p>Direct link is <a href="http://youtu.be/IsQRZ4TsljI">here</a>.Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-59338000263842889772011-05-12T11:24:00.000-04:002011-05-13T16:24:12.057-04:00Update on Chinese Kung Fu StewardessesBecause there are <a href="http://www.weirdasianews.com/2011/05/12/chinese-stewardesses-learn-kungfu/">bunny pics</a>.Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-26470244481671733792011-05-10T08:48:00.008-04:002011-05-10T10:22:15.986-04:00Tis the SeasonLast Sunday was a very sacred day to me, a day I shall forever remember as "after two days of vomiting and sharting and farting and only being able to hold down an English muffin and two glasses of water, finally feeling well enough to eat something but having no food since I haven't felt well enough to go to a grocery for weeks and so I went to Pappasito's for some Tex-Mex takeout and spent fifteen minutes in the parking lot trying to escape wondering why they were so busy at 3 PM on Sunday" - um, mas. Then I got home and ate my taco al carbon and replayed some of the images I had seen in my mind, the gridlocked traffic in the parking lots, the bored children waiting for a table wandering after every passing stranger, the dressed-up old women in obvious discomfort being helped in and out of cars, and I remembered - it was Dress Up and Take the Family Out to Someplace Packed and Crowded Oh What Fun Day! Some antiquated calendars still list it as Mother's Day.<br /><br />I'm not against holidays. I'm all for the claims that we should remember to celebrate things on a daily basis instead of just once per year, but I still think it's nice to set aside a special time to reflect and celebrate certain events or concepts. I'm just saying that we've gotten lazy and / or stupid (where we = you) in that we've decided that every holiday must be celebrated in the same way at the same time, usually by consuming a certain product or service. Blame Corporate America all you want, but unless they're marching into your homes and forcing you to go to KFC* at gunpoint, you're a willing participant. So, next holiday, how about you actually give it some thought first, then decide to do something that is both fun AND actually celebrates the concept behind the holiday.<br /><br />This public service announcement is brought to you by the foundation for Father's Day is coming and I may want another taco and I don't want to get stuck in my car again because the parking lot is full of unhappy old men mopping the sweat from their bald heads with their ties as they edge into hour two standing under the hot July sun waiting for an available table.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Mb7Ws1HlvKr15LAI0qLOxokh1zzncl-fB2e-taV2z6vhUoF_rCSX6vRPj7HBqC4BtC9WlsMl1BSr9boiAVlkhBJ2odz3tzrhbLBotOfFGCe4tlzT8iODuGcEFBm1UbV14wyiGw/s1600/Han+Ga+Eun+Heart.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 232px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Mb7Ws1HlvKr15LAI0qLOxokh1zzncl-fB2e-taV2z6vhUoF_rCSX6vRPj7HBqC4BtC9WlsMl1BSr9boiAVlkhBJ2odz3tzrhbLBotOfFGCe4tlzT8iODuGcEFBm1UbV14wyiGw/s400/Han+Ga+Eun+Heart.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5605077011673612514" border="0" /></a>Proper way to celebrate Valentine's Day.<br /><br />* Seriously - I once had a coupon from KFC that said "not valid on Mother's Day". Then I drove by one that day and saw the parking lot was jammed, the dining room and drive-thru were packed to capacity, and cars were lined up in the street waiting to get in. KFC? For real? Wouldn't it be easier to just give dear old mom a five dollar gift certificate and say "Thank you for not making me an even bigger emotional wreck."?Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-43928618965256272242011-05-09T10:46:00.003-04:002011-05-09T10:52:50.451-04:00Post 1,500I was planning something special for post #1,500, but since I hardly ever get comments these days anyway I decided to say screw it and post more bunny. I especially chose this one for her ability to make American women feel fat and old. Please meet 25yo South Korean race queen Han Ga-Eun.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmaGibY3f_XZKPGXXq7ObnZKCs-WwlQzMk_izSyjb-77e76fHT0bQInHx_hw_6p-6fclWVaEDC7wfcJYcGmWlSKCQSiwsIEx13lXhoWdeMu_6boSbXryWdhT75nBZ_rJHx0oTxVg/s1600/han-ga-eun-sweater-school-girl-01.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmaGibY3f_XZKPGXXq7ObnZKCs-WwlQzMk_izSyjb-77e76fHT0bQInHx_hw_6p-6fclWVaEDC7wfcJYcGmWlSKCQSiwsIEx13lXhoWdeMu_6boSbXryWdhT75nBZ_rJHx0oTxVg/s400/han-ga-eun-sweater-school-girl-01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5604728142502018258" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT73C6g2Y4do2TLPM79CMIQkRKi8RzetzQu462JDEMAlm2tT29cxREYtPuEYppK9feXRhP-72dHV0aLeoJMVf1_Thj528Wt6096GpEWhAM1fXB-3aGaYrIF-0R51PhAWvZjUGfFw/s1600/han-ga-eun-sweater-school-girl-02.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT73C6g2Y4do2TLPM79CMIQkRKi8RzetzQu462JDEMAlm2tT29cxREYtPuEYppK9feXRhP-72dHV0aLeoJMVf1_Thj528Wt6096GpEWhAM1fXB-3aGaYrIF-0R51PhAWvZjUGfFw/s400/han-ga-eun-sweater-school-girl-02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5604728210262419234" border="0" /></a>As per usual, click to embiggen.Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-16225360049646661582011-05-06T13:23:00.003-04:002011-05-06T13:38:25.700-04:00You SuckMy across the way cube neighbor is awesome. He shouts "I say fleeber, you say pleeber!" then shouts "Fleeber!" and I respond "Pleeber!" and then we while away a few hours. Today I decided to kick things off and said "I say snickle, you say frickle - snickle!" but instead of "Frickle!" he responded by whimpering and crawling under his desk. Now he refuses to come out and is living off the Lifesavers and warm Coke Zeroes he has stored. I entered a liquid paper trance and sought assistance from my spirit guide, an armored kangaroo I call Captain Boingy, and he said the proper apology should involve a wooden ruler, three used napkins, four aspirin, and a staple remover, but he didn't say how to employ them and I can't reenter the spirit realm because I'm out of liquid paper. Suggestions?<br /><hr />Yet another "too long for <a href="http://www.formspring.me/granvillem2">Formspring</a>" post.Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-2924187203551207702011-05-05T11:34:00.004-04:002011-05-06T13:27:28.993-04:00Too long for FormspringOn Sunday at church I kept shouting "Do the jalapeno!" but the preacher just gave me funny looks and other people kept shushing me. What kind of preacher doesn't take requests for dance moves? Anyway, I left early and chained the doors and set fire to the building. Fortunately nobody escaped alive and so I don't have to receive any come-uppance for the fact that the jalapeno isn't, in fact, a dance move. Now I won't be embarrassed by that awful incident and can move on with my life without even mentioning it. So I wanted to celebrate with steak or maybe ice cream, then I thought - Steakscream (patent pending). ZOMFG what could be better - the best of both worlds. You could have a hot, steaming frozen treat that is made out of meat cream and is dispensed in the shape of a star onto a waffle cone. And you could top it with things like onion and pepper sprinkles! Awesome! But then I called the patent office and they won't let my official patent number be "Mr. Fricklepants", the poop-heads. So I guess a patent isn't pending after all. So, what should I have for dinner? 'Cause Steakscream apparently isn't happening.<br /><hr />In other news, today is important because it marks Mexico's attempt to steal my thunder by having a holiday just ten days before my birthday. This year, since the economy is too bad for you to buy me a bunny, go to <a href="http://www.formspring.me/granvillem2">Formspring</a> and ask me questions and try to come up with something more original than asking about Asian women and sharting. Because Formspring will become the most valid social networking site ever and can only ruined by your personal lameness. You claim to be intelligent and creative? (I've read your blog - you do) The it's time to put up or shut up. Or maybe that's put out or shout out. I can never remember. Put in or be a dust bin?Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-39294077820020884882011-05-02T10:46:00.004-04:002011-05-02T10:50:15.761-04:00Boob TeaImportant note for <a href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&sqi=2&ved=0CCgQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FBeltane&rct=j&q=beltane&ei=58O-TcO4AY_4gAfb9vDpBg&usg=AFQjCNGbcF4_AyHRVx0Ea5uE2CU4k3PRCw&cad=rja">Beltane</a> - China is hiring <a href="http://www.weirdasianews.com/2011/05/02/virgins-ccup-breasts-sought-tea-plantation/">busty virgins</a> to pick tea to nestle in their bosoms to give it a more feminine quality. Qualified C-bunnies can apply directly to me.Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-48453639353233010182011-04-29T14:38:00.000-04:002011-04-29T15:06:52.295-04:00Handwriting Anal...ysis. <a href="http://knightramblings.blogspot.com/">Knight</a> claims you can tell a lot by a person's handwriting. Click to embiggen the below and let me know what you think.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig0y4Xkw5cuwhzIJbBIZfaKSuJ0JOVV6R5nOVK35S4jkx4qLJ2hkJ0rRzo2ukPDotYnFZMa7skEdpF7YnUr4Kpde7gvFpnWeECM-7P-VDfuXSxnOoFEvmrpjuRqOrUA9ZuN9k8Bw/s1600/scan0001.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 307px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig0y4Xkw5cuwhzIJbBIZfaKSuJ0JOVV6R5nOVK35S4jkx4qLJ2hkJ0rRzo2ukPDotYnFZMa7skEdpF7YnUr4Kpde7gvFpnWeECM-7P-VDfuXSxnOoFEvmrpjuRqOrUA9ZuN9k8Bw/s400/scan0001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5600768064286266946" border="0" /></a><br />Note - this was written last evening during a period when my neuropathy wasn't making it difficult to write. This is why I normally prefer to type or cut and paste letters out of random magazines (whichever is more appropriate to the situation).Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-43163441013441533692011-04-28T09:15:00.004-04:002011-04-28T09:51:30.135-04:00Our Nation's PastimeShe is boring. Especially when viewed on the radio. I rode with a friend yesterday and was struck by the total lack of showmanship. I guess they're relying on the typical guy obsession with sports to make exciting an event where the most common descriptive phrase is a monotone "swingannamiss" followed by random Bingo-ish numbers ("it's now three and oh, with Bladovich standing pat on second"). I sense huge opportunities for improvement.<br /><br />"Aaaaaaaand, we're back. Another foul ball, so the Earl of Boingy rides the magic unicorn to first. Captain Fleeber up to the plate now. If he misses this one, WE MAY ALL BE KILLED! Pop fly, swallowed by a dragon. Fleeber on first, the viscount to second. Hells yeah, he got demoted. He was smoking fiberglass! Time for the second inning asssault." Cue machine gun / atomic bomb sound effects. "It's a high right into candyland. The duke is heading for home. Will e make it? OHNO, a horde of zombies has emerged and is dragging him into the underworld. The all-Japanese lesbian cheerleaders go wild and make out!"<br /><br />See how easy that was? They just need somebody with a little verbal creativity / inebriation / break from reality to color comment and the whole game improves. We wouldn't even need anyone actually playing the game. Before long people would say "Let's stay home and listen to the game on the radio. It's so much less fun when you actually see it."<br /><hr />And here is another ideal pic for the puzzle thingy below.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoNylM4Z74Ewchz8X9eYYGzhe0ZFSu1vtfCKX-mRD7nK1CUU6ssUROXeVc8VwMPuzyPgjZEWI4Sn6tNo2kYk2uSmk_49PpWk9khwDmjP-zvgc4sUVNAry14WZY572fJf_jkMCgPg/s1600/69934304.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 269px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoNylM4Z74Ewchz8X9eYYGzhe0ZFSu1vtfCKX-mRD7nK1CUU6ssUROXeVc8VwMPuzyPgjZEWI4Sn6tNo2kYk2uSmk_49PpWk9khwDmjP-zvgc4sUVNAry14WZY572fJf_jkMCgPg/s400/69934304.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5600627095401440658" border="0" /></a>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-70707271201597898472011-04-27T09:06:00.003-04:002011-04-27T09:12:44.813-04:00This is old, but coolThe <a href="http://www.flash-gear.com/puzzle/">Photograph Puzzle Maker</a>.<br /><br />Anyone who can complete a puzzle using the smallest piece size is a way more hardcore jigsaw puzzler than me.<br /><br />And here is an image to help get you started. In fact, this blog is a great place for jigsaw puzzle images. Who wouldn't want to assemble a bunny?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzmSIAGGbvtzG1O2POvK-8gj5Swp9TnaIQYm3RN3EHnrtuWBsEKcjUPaiCNdczvXHcjgHnq7i4S-KHY8iB7DklUxhtYtr6ahZEri8YH1doCtBFvm-AE0BghPVhVcOKVjkC5LnlUw/s1600/20803743.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 269px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzmSIAGGbvtzG1O2POvK-8gj5Swp9TnaIQYm3RN3EHnrtuWBsEKcjUPaiCNdczvXHcjgHnq7i4S-KHY8iB7DklUxhtYtr6ahZEri8YH1doCtBFvm-AE0BghPVhVcOKVjkC5LnlUw/s400/20803743.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5600249552447547010" border="0" /></a>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-30599199721809608402011-04-26T09:07:00.003-04:002011-05-06T13:27:28.995-04:00What was your favorite thing to do during recess at school?<p class="formspringmeAnswer">Smoke cigarettes.</p><p class="formspringmeFooter"> <a href="http://www.formspring.me/granvillem2?utm_medium=social&utm_source=blogger&utm_campaign=shareanswer">Go away if you're easily offended</a></p>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-62963774041588245762011-04-26T09:07:00.001-04:002011-05-06T13:27:28.997-04:00My boyfriend bought me some eggs from Wal-Mart but they won't hatch out into chickens. What am I dong wrong?<p class="formspringmeAnswer">If they're made out of Cadbury, then they should hatch into bunny rabbits. Keep sitting on them.</p><p class="formspringmeFooter"> <a href="http://www.formspring.me/granvillem2?utm_medium=social&utm_source=blogger&utm_campaign=shareanswer">Go away if you're easily offended</a></p>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-11458009671608165982011-04-24T01:00:00.001-04:002011-04-24T01:00:03.745-04:00Happy Bunny Day!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJmrAGqxpNWg_YymUGZY0WCADq3ugzZ69ysYWKtzUjPs9pYhNACvm9hof1dDmT53QQ2DyiHTY9IzUv4hnhM9nIHx9hevEkgrR3-8EXvmRmI1GA_wMaXdCdB1zoZpuPNS5JlSkIDg/s1600/japanese_bunny_4.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 281px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJmrAGqxpNWg_YymUGZY0WCADq3ugzZ69ysYWKtzUjPs9pYhNACvm9hof1dDmT53QQ2DyiHTY9IzUv4hnhM9nIHx9hevEkgrR3-8EXvmRmI1GA_wMaXdCdB1zoZpuPNS5JlSkIDg/s400/japanese_bunny_4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5598856096152313906" border="0" /></a>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-53232120970973226152011-04-22T11:16:00.005-04:002011-04-22T12:15:08.657-04:00Apparently it's poetry monthSo - Haiku!<br /><hr />I hate poetry<br />But Asian women are hot<br />Booger witch snargle<br /><hr />Tip from <a href="http://www.kaplyinc.com/?p=1973">Kaply</a>.<br /><hr />Example of typical Asian woman:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1eHiFHKdcEkGFEU7EB3TnzNVot8bEXORsN2387hVDt8yhr1qHI3Eb0ltDs8YfhHvMqPDlCqmJjB_cG0Oc747R4C96XZaCHT9GZBQS7MYx2d2BMbe3tk_Q6hTkPMYVv98q28mSHQ/s1600/hwang-mi-hee2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1eHiFHKdcEkGFEU7EB3TnzNVot8bEXORsN2387hVDt8yhr1qHI3Eb0ltDs8YfhHvMqPDlCqmJjB_cG0Oc747R4C96XZaCHT9GZBQS7MYx2d2BMbe3tk_Q6hTkPMYVv98q28mSHQ/s400/hwang-mi-hee2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5598428415236366898" border="0" /></a>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-9638659322630100562011-04-20T08:26:00.005-04:002011-04-20T08:37:04.900-04:00I dare you to ask for extra peanutsAir Hong Kong teaching <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42649669/ns/travel-news/from/toolbar">kung fu</a> to stewardesses.<br /><br />Bonus news photo of hot Asian chicks touching each other:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_IkHkVYYhsJ5K1_fIcg1dt_itrBZqwZAS7LfCoX6n16gKDG5D88L24PokamMWoscI2UazMIrZKMjV8FFXzFBcNWdTdXWSy2WPdSvwnShxgq0f8VZSVvztfNFk_EFw7HICsMOQag/s1600/SMP_News.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_IkHkVYYhsJ5K1_fIcg1dt_itrBZqwZAS7LfCoX6n16gKDG5D88L24PokamMWoscI2UazMIrZKMjV8FFXzFBcNWdTdXWSy2WPdSvwnShxgq0f8VZSVvztfNFk_EFw7HICsMOQag/s400/SMP_News.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5597641916480131314" border="0" /></a>Bonus C-bunny names I am totally not making up: Lumpy and Rose (respectively).Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-41138241717908404192011-04-19T14:23:00.001-04:002011-05-06T13:27:28.998-04:00If you were able to choose the weapon of your destruction, what would you choose? And no, Bunnies are not weapons, so you can't choose death by Bunny Sex.<p class="formspringmeAnswer">Double-bladed telescoping Flamesaw™. It's a little something I created using the best features of a chainsaw, flame-thrower, and Darth Maul's lightsabre. Plus I think I can mount it on a pogo stick so that when the killing spree begins I can go "boingy, boingy, boingy". Life is just more fun when you say "boingy, boingy, boingy".</p><p class="formspringmeFooter"> <a href="http://www.formspring.me/granvillem2?utm_medium=social&utm_source=blogger&utm_campaign=shareanswer">Go away if you're easily offended</a></p>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-27466089502866884892011-04-19T08:54:00.004-04:002011-04-19T09:52:49.025-04:00I SeetheThanks to watching reruns of Scrubs, I've been exposed to the song "<a href="http://youtu.be/OYIe_K-50JI">A Little Respect</a>" by Erasure from their album The Innocents. This is possibly the most cloying, treacly thing I've ever heard. It would make Winnie the Pooh vomit homey and Liberace refuse to perform it on the grounds that it's too gay. Then I thought maybe there's some clever, ironic subtexts so I Googled the <a href="http://www.lyricsfreak.com/e/erasure/a+little+respect_20050823.html">lyrics</a> and discovered it's even more nauseating than I thought (sample line I am unfortunately not making up - "Soul, I hear you calling"). This cannot stand.<br /><br />I'm an idealist and I want to live in a better world. I want to live in a world where I can ride my pogo stick home from work and immediately climb onto my trampoline and have bouncy pie fights with hot Asian women. I want to visit a store where the wine is made of beer and the shirts in my size have vertical stripes. I want an official dictionary with words like "floingy". I want to be able to ride unicorns through the heathers until they drop dead of exhaustion, then grill them as steaks with a soy/orange marinade. I want heaven to be reachable with a stepladder and made of pie.<br /><br />To that end, as a measured and reasonable response to the music industry for dumping that bag of shart song on us, I encourage everyone to drop by their collective houses and fling their goldfish beneath their stoves, put gravel in their lip balm, set fire to their potted plants, and then set fire to the fire. They should be required by law to shave with chainsaws and bathe in rubbing alcohol. May their sandwiches be made of bologna and their pillows full of cacti. I wish them slugs in their head. May they never say "piffle" again.<br /><br />Example of a woman who would be good in bouncy pie fights:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwc-M-slwKs2HlZFhGPshfYP6ckuSjzvP7XzCkxtWdj9PCVYghgyoy1Q-4T6vsCE58z7QSU8msFZcX2F8lD4IEO6rVPt8OlXBjk830HrV3JqeIJgwNg-iHs7hSos_KnHlPO29xHg/s1600/707_Rika_Sato_Sexy_Photo_6.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwc-M-slwKs2HlZFhGPshfYP6ckuSjzvP7XzCkxtWdj9PCVYghgyoy1Q-4T6vsCE58z7QSU8msFZcX2F8lD4IEO6rVPt8OlXBjk830HrV3JqeIJgwNg-iHs7hSos_KnHlPO29xHg/s400/707_Rika_Sato_Sexy_Photo_6.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5597286901413148498" border="0" /></a>Cool - almost lunchtime.Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-4392907918929022402011-04-18T14:12:00.001-04:002011-05-06T13:27:28.999-04:00My sister said it's okay to take the pogo stick to church as long as I don't make the "boingy, boingy" noises as I'm heading to my pew, but that's just wrong. Who is behind this travesty - the preacher? Or is it another invisible robot clown?<p class="formspringmeText">My sister said it's okay to take the pogo stick to church as long as I don't make the "boingy, boingy" noises as I'm heading to my pew, but that's just wrong. Who is behind this travesty - the preacher? Or is it another invisible robot clown?</p><p class="formspringmeFooter"> Answer <a href="http://4ms.me/gWvVyT">here</a></p>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-14121549303901979622011-04-18T09:34:00.001-04:002011-04-18T09:36:56.879-04:00Nothing new hereSo...bunny!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoL8KRdKl00rTrS2qdkD2s5BnpaR71gcGSmV1LLGRSl8qh3g5DXZqOx5igx8pksDh2nYeL4vIGNkwWGqcw7EOQSTJzZ3KU0gGWOWdUIj48Pj3u8h7ELaLtbwOWJyZnPKaWXDrmHg/s1600/file_49_77.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 284px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoL8KRdKl00rTrS2qdkD2s5BnpaR71gcGSmV1LLGRSl8qh3g5DXZqOx5igx8pksDh2nYeL4vIGNkwWGqcw7EOQSTJzZ3KU0gGWOWdUIj48Pj3u8h7ELaLtbwOWJyZnPKaWXDrmHg/s400/file_49_77.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5596916748586720770" border="0" /></a>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-44168733054222622852011-04-15T08:56:00.001-04:002011-05-06T13:27:29.001-04:00I'm starting a death metal choir named Captain Boingy and the Boingers and Keith wants to play backup triangle but I'm afraid he doesn't have the right boingatude. Can I let him play and still maintain the integrity of whatever it is we're all about?<p class="formspringmeText">I'm starting a death metal choir named Captain Boingy and the Boingers and Keith wants to play backup triangle but I'm afraid he doesn't have the right boingatude. Can I let him play and still maintain the integrity of whatever it is we're all about?</p><p class="formspringmeFooter"> Answer <a href="http://4ms.me/dUNb02">here</a></p>Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-66159618600181427712011-04-14T12:25:00.002-04:002011-04-14T12:28:53.737-04:00Attention, ladiesI am a Chinese SWAT team member.<br /><br />Just tossing out the <a href="http://www.weirdasianews.com/2011/04/14/chinas-swat-team-meets-match-makers/">bunny bait</a>.Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7510429.post-72453661029466710862011-04-13T09:10:00.003-04:002011-04-13T09:15:02.831-04:00Fear MeWarning - if you cross me, I'm likely to YouTube you the evil eye.<br /><p align="center"><iframe title="YouTube video player" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/KOqtnU2faTc" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" width="480"></iframe></p>'Cuz that's how I roll.<br /><br />Direct link is <a href="http://youtu.be/KOqtnU2faTc">here</a>.Granthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08040058320473775641noreply@blogger.com2